Watch this, not that by Liz

by Liz

Don't Watch!

As much as I love my children, I must admit there’s one aspect of my pre-mommy life that I miss so much it hurts sometimes…

Sitting on the couch for hours watching bad TV.

These days I’m lucky if I can keep up with Project Runway (forget about that Models of the Runway show) and usually just have the hubs give me his dramatic reenactment of that week’s Amazing Race. (Which, btw, he never quite seems to do it justice…)  My Tivo is constantly erasing my fave shows in favor of Hot Wheels, Battle Force 5 and I’ve had to re-prioritize my priority manager more times than I care to mention.

So, I had to learn the hard way how to become a more discerning TV watcher. And because I know many of us have the same problem, I’m happy to help ya out a bit by cutting through all the bullshit and letting you know to Watch this, not that!

Watch The Good Wife

There’s a reason that EW chose The Good Wife as one of the ten best TV shows on right now. I was originally drawn to this show hoping to get my *Mr. Big* fix but ending up staying because of Julianna Marguiles. It’s a story about a woman who stands by her man through a political scandal and finds herself entering the work force after staying home for fifteen years raising her two children.  The storyline is so layered, so well acted, that my stomach does a little flip each week when I see that Tivo has recorded it.  And the best part?  It’s got enough criminal procedural stuff going on that your hubby won’t feel like he’s emasculating himself by watching it with you each week!

Watch The Millionaire Matchmaker

With less time to watch TV these days, I think this is the kind of show I miss most.  The Millionaire Matchmaker kindly runs marathons constantly, just begging you to sit your lazy ass on the couch and watch as Matchmaker Patti cuts through any and all BS. She. Is. Genius. From the way she handles the enormous millionaires’ egos or catfights with a drag queen, she is fantastic.  Whether she’s telling the real estate developer that cuff links are so 1987 and that his haircut channels that guy from Greatest American Hero or she’s telling off an NBA player for mistreating one of her girls, she has the balls to say exactly what we’re all thinking.  If you only have time for one guilty pleasure on your Tivo, I highly recommend this!

Not Cougar Town

I really wanted to like Cougar Town.  It sounded right up my alley-alums from Scrubs, Friends and Dawson’s Creek (don’t judge!) and also featuring the ridiculously hot Josh Hopkins.  Not to mention the fact that, at age thirty-six, I’m *gulp* entering cougar territory myself and was hoping to relate to some of Courtney Cox’s antics.  While watching the pilot, I told myself that it was just a fluke that it seemed, um, awkward and forced.  But since I was determined to become a Cougar Town fan, I gave it a few weeks to get it together.  But I then returned to discover that they were STILL trying too hard.  And while it may still have a place in my Tivo, (right next to the twelve episodes of Desperate Housewives I can’t bring myself to watch) Cougar Town lost it’s place in my heart.

Not Tool Academy

Wanna feel better about your own relationship?  Then Tool Academy may be right up your alley.  It’s about women(and a few good men) who, in a last ditch effort to save their relationship, bring their bandana-wearing, fake tanning, cheating significant others to the Tool Academy. After spending thirty minutes with Neander-Tool, Looney-Tool and DoubleTalking-Tool, I didn’t blame that girlfriend one bit for screaming I’ll cut your ass! at the therapy session.  I felt like screaming too.

For those of us who loved bad boys back in the day, this show will make you squirm, remembering what it was like to date a complete DOUCHE BAG and rejoice in the fact that you pulled your head out of your ass before it was too late.  New favorite quote: You can’t turn a ho into a housewife~Daniel a.k.a. Glow Stick Tool

What are YOU watching this week?

xoxo, Liz

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Writing Wednesday- Query Quandary

by Lisa

Mt. Everest

Some might say climbing Mt. Everest is an accomplishment. Others might argue that a true victory is winning a gold medal or being awarded an Oscar.

And although we salute all the incredible people who fall into those categories and agree that those would be amazing achievements, we’re not athletic or skilled enough to join them in those ranks so we’ll settle for believing that writing a query for our manuscript The D Word is one of the toughest challenges we’ve ever faced. (Liz would like it duly noted that she deserves a close second for giving birth- twice!)

And to celebrate not only finishing our query, but making it through the process alive (more on that below), we’re giving away two $20 itunes gift cards (because music helps us write) and six autographed books by authors who’ve inspired us-Sarah Pekkanen (THE OPPOSITE OF ME) and Kristin Hannah (WINTER GARDEN). Just leave a comment (you know the drill–we’re fabulous, you love us, love the blog, blah, blah…) and you’ll  be entered to win.

So back to the query quandary…Condensing the plot of our novel into two paragraphs was only half the battle. Agreeing on what the content of those two sections should be was the other. And although we feel we have an incredibly successful writing partnership, that doesn’t discount the cold hard fact that we’re both Type-A control freaks who always want to be right.

Let us take you back to the day we decided that we’d each independently take a stab at the query and then reveal our work to the other. In Southern California, it was an El-Nino-esque rainstorm that included a hurricane. In the Chicago ‘burbs, it was eighteen degrees, gloomy and included a “delightful” present from Mother Nature- Eight. Inches. Of. Snow.

Cut to Lisa holed up in her house, wrapped in an afghan blanket, tears of sadness spilling down her cheeks as she cried for the sun (okay, so maybe that’s a wee bit of an embellishment- there was no afghan). She put in her ipod headphones and typed away as she imagined she was in Maui as she listened to Bob Marley belt out Don’t Worry, Be Happy (alright, so maybe she was actually listening to Party in the U.S.A.- don’t judge!). When she finished, she smiled broadly. “This is damn good,” she said to her fountain of prosperity in the corner. It was time to send it to Liz who was going to be so pleased!

Open email form, attach query, add self-congratulatory quip to Liz, send. Wait….

Two thousand miles away, Liz stared out at the pouring rain, part of her ecstatic that she finally had an excuse to wear her new Burberry wellies, the other half of her semi-panicked that, as a result of the hurricane in SEAL BEACH, her daughter’s school was on lockdown. As Jordan Sparks sang in her ears, she wrote fast and furiously, taking the time to pat herself on the back along the way because she was still able to crank out such great content on such a miserable day. It was time to send it to Lisa who was going to be so pleased!

Open email form, attach query, add self-congratulatory quip to Lisa, send. Wait…

I’m sure you see where this story is going. Well, it’s safe to say that neither of us were as in love with our partner’s work as we were with our own! Lisa got up on her soapbox and actually said the words, “How do you not LOVE this?” and Liz retaliated with, “Um, because mine is So. Much. Better!” For an hour we debated everything- including the true definition of divorce. There was even a particularly ugly moment when someone threatened that both queries should be sent to an “unbiased” party who would decide which one should “win”. Finally, exhaustion took hold and the right-fighters agreed to sleep on it.

The next day, with much-needed perspective, fresh attitudes and plenty of caffeine all around, we decided to merge our work.  Over the next week, we methodically deleted, rearranged and reworked until we were as close to satisfied as we were ever going to get. Then, we were lucky enough to have brilliant authors including Allison Winn Scotch, Laura Dave and Sarah Pekkanen agree to review our query and give us invaluable feedback. Thank you, ladies! We are forever indebted to you!

And now as we write this blog post, our query for The D Word is complete and sitting in the inbox of our dream agent.  And now we wait. And wait. And wait some more. And it will probably be harder than when Lisa waited by the home phone (literally) to find out if she’d made the junior varsity cheerleading squad (she didn’t-and they FORGOT to call-long story!) or when Liz waited at her graduation lunch for her date  to show up (he never did- even longer story!). But many moons and hopefully more maturity later, we’re all about positive thinking- affirmations, fountains and the whole nine yards. And because of that, we know find the right agent to rep us. (That is, if we don’t kill each other trying to perfect our synopsis-but that’s a whole other blog!)

xoxo, Liz & Lisa

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The Bride Card By Lisa

March 8, 2010

Some might say the President of the United States is the most powerful man in the world. Others might argue its celebrities like Madonna, Elton John or Brad Pitt who dominate. I say there’s no doubt those people are all important, but there’s someone with a lot more influence and authority. Someone who red carpets [...]

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Five Things Liz & Lisa didn’t know about…Sarah Pekkanen

March 2, 2010

We’ve made no secret about the fact that we LOVE Sarah Pekkanen. Her debut novel, The Opposite of Me, will be published by Washington Square Press, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, next week.  But before it hits bookstores, she’s holding a Sarah Spike Day with a big raffle for everyone who pre-orders her book [...]

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5 Things Liz & Lisa didn’t know about…Wendy Wax

March 1, 2010

March is going to be a great month!  Not only  will we be featuring fantastic authors like Sarah Pekkanen and Jodi Picoult, we’ll also be revealing the mystery author we’ve been hinting about on our Facebook fan page.   But right now we’re ecstatic to find out five things we didn’t know about…Wendy Wax!
We [...]

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Mommy Monday-To schedule or not to schedule…

February 22, 2010

Happy Monday y’all!
To celebrate Mommy Monday, we’re giving away two copies of KEEP YOUR SKIRT ON by Starshine Roshell. It’s a smart, sassy collection of her kicky columns with legs for GenX Moms everywhere that will have you LOLing.  Just leave a comment to enter!
Considering the fact that I had to squeeze time in to write [...]

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Watch This, Not That By Lisa

February 18, 2010

We’ve made no secret about the fact that we love TV. All kinds of TV. From the good to the really, really bad (in a good way) kind. And we’ve also never had a problem hopping up on our soapboxes and giving our two cents about shows like The Bachelor. So…our love of TV + our [...]

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5k, 5k go away, come back another day.

February 14, 2010

Truth be told, I’ve never been much of a “runner”.  While my friends were off running track in high school, I could usually be found up on the tennis court flirting with boys in my short skirt and favorite orange and green Nikes.  Even when it came to exercise, I demanded that there be some [...]

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Writing Wednesdays By Lisa

February 10, 2010

Happy Hump Day!
We’re excited to be debuting our feature, Writing Wednesdays where we’ll, well, write about writing. On Wednesdays.
And to celebrate, we’re giving away five HeartThreads t-shirts with messages about love, wisdom, faith and inspiration worn close to the heart! Get it? Just leave a comment on this post (like how much you love us [...]

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Mommy Monday! Battle of the Sexes-Parent Edition

February 8, 2010

Welcome to CLIND’s first ever MOMMY MONDAY! And to celebrate, we’re giving away three copies of Kristin Hannah’s latest release, WINTER GARDEN, a story about mothers and daughters.  Just leave a comment to enter!
Today, I’m going to be bitching discussing how gender roles come into play when parenting.  Or in simpler terms, Why Daddy always [...]

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