So I’ve got a confession. I’m bitter with Twitter. It’s like Facebook on Acid.
I signed up a month ago and have yet to figure it out. Isn’t it just a bunch of never-ending status updates? And yes, I know that status updates are best part of Facebook. But I feel like Twitter is cheating-like they’ve eaten all the yummy white stuff out of my Oreos.
For those of you unfamiliar with Twitter, it works something like this: I follow people and they follow me. Get it? And by follow I mean you are able to read my wannabe Facebook status updates.
So I signed up and found a few people to follow through the email finder. I was on my way! Wait, why aren’t they following me? Of course! There has to be some form of social rejection or Twitter wouldn’t be fun! Why don’t you want to follow me? Did I do something wrong? Aren’t you dying to read my once-a-week tweet? Oh, you want them multiple times per day? Sorry! I spend all my energy coming up with witty Facebook status updates! Isn’t that enough?
And forget about finding someone unless you know their Twitter nickname. Seriously, it’s virtually impossible. Twitter, if I knew their damn nickname, I wouldn’t need to search for them!
And I should have known Twitter would be trouble when I logged in for the first time and saw that most of the tweets were about how people didn’t get Twitter. Then, I made a rookie Twitter mistake when I decided to follow Jimmy Fallon. Why follow Jimmy, you ask? Well, I’ve been crushing on him since his SNL days and was too scared to friend him on Facebook. Twitter felt less committal, less stalker-ish. Except for that whole following thing. Hmmm, I guess I didn’t think that one through.
Anyway, I was saddened to discover that my celeb-crush tweets too much. Jimmy tweets about everything and everyone. Really Jimmy? Do we really need to know every detail about your day? About the berber carpet in your studio? It’s a bit much, even for your biggest fan. I know you’re excited about Tweeting via Tweetie, but we need some boundaries.
Lisa kind of almost likes Twitter. She even went so far as to install Twitter Tools on our blog so we could Tweet. Funny thing is, we can’t figure out how to tweet to the blog! So sorry if you are anxiously waiting to hear Liz and Lisa’s sweet tweets each day. Not going to happen until hear back from our web designer. He’s a big tweeter. Tweets all the time!
But Lisa would not be stopped on her quest to have a productive relationship with Twitter. That led her to install a Tweet Roll on our site that shows you all of our followers. You know, those 12 people that are waiting to hear our daily wisdom via Tweets. Oh, and she wants me to tell you to click on the Tweetroll link to follow us. Please.
Maybe part of the problem is that Twitter makes me feel old. And irrelevent. It makes me want to say things like, “Those young whippersnappers are all on Twitter!” and “Those Twitter young’uns don’t know what’s it’s like to walk a mile to school in the snow!” I want to say these things even though I’ve never walked a mile to school or lived anywhere where it actually snows.
Am I becoming like my dear mother, who can’t figure out how to turn on her DVD player when the kids want to watch Kung Fu Panda? Is this the first step? I have a blog, for Christs sake! Doesn’t that make me tech-savvy?
So screw you Twitter because I am relevant! And soon I will be tweeting like nobody’s business! And then I will dominate you Twitter! My Tweets will be heard around the world!
Um, just as soon as someone shows me how to do it.
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You two are funny! So bring your humor to Twitter! It’s not about status updates. No one wants to know what you’re doing every second. It’s a way to entertain your followers, add value, join in a discussion. It’s the world’s biggest cocktail party, and you are its social butterfly. So get in there and flutter, girls! Flutter hard!
Thanks! I know, I’ve seen how you’ve embraced Twitter, Tara, and I’ve been secretly jealous. Tweet Tweet!
I must be getting old because I have never heard of Twitter until I read your post! Then again, I don’t even have a Facebook page so I AM old. Hang in there. Twitter will eventually rope you in girls! It’s only a matter of time. When it does, you won’t know how you ever made it through a day without it. Keep up the funny posts. I love them.
Fabulous! I couldn’t have said it better myself. I have contemplated this Twitter business, but alas, I think I have nobody to follow me, therefore making me sad and pathetic
I look forward to your Twitter update though. I know you’ll be twittering with the best of them soon!
Thanks Thea! You are not sad or pathetic! And I’ll follow you girlfriend…I want to hear those sweet tweets!
Thanks Mike, but I think everyone can agree that you are a bit biased! But love you for loving the posts anyway.
I had the same experience when I first started with Twitter. Here’s what I’ve learned that might help:
1. Get Tweetdeck. You can assign people to groups, which go into a separate column. For example I have a group for “Real Friends”, so that I never miss their tweets, even if others get chatty.
2. Tweet about what you’re blogging about, interesting links you’ve found, funny thoughts, etc. I never talk about what I’m doing. Because usually what I’m doing is boring.
3. @Reply to people. Engage!
4. Tweetdeck also lets you run searches constantly, and it filters the results into another column. I do the term “writer”. So anytime someone tweets the word “writer”, it shows up in my Tweetdeck. That’s a good method, at least for me, for finding people who are tweeting about things I’m interested in and finding relevant friends.
5. If someone tweets something you like, instead of replying with “Great!” or “LOL”, retweet it. To do that, you just post: RT @theirname theirmessage. With Tweetdeck you can do this with one click. (See now why I’m loving Tweetdeck?)
6. Feel free to promote yourself, but I would keep it to 25% of your posts or less. Twitter is about connecting and sharing! So feel free to share yourselves and your work, but if that’s all you do, no one will follow!
7. You don’t have to tweet 50 times a day, but I would try for at least once a day. If nothing else, you can copy your Facebook status. I used to use a Twitter app on facebook that would update both simultaneously, but I took it off because I found it was holding me back from tweeting, because I didn’t want some silly comment to mess up my Facebook profile.
Anyway, I hope this helps!
@NixyValentine
Wow Nixy! That info is awesome! I feel like I just took a Twitter 101 course. Is there going to be a test?
Hey Nixy! I just installed Tweetdeck…So cool!!! Love!
Thanks for the follow! I followed back – that’s how I got the majority of my followers.
I agree with the above recommendation for TweetDeck, as you get more followers, it will keep you sane.
Second, sign up with Mr. Tweet. I think he’s @MrTweet but if you do a Twitter search you’re sure to find him. He recommends people based on your network that you might enjoy following. Then, look at who THEY’RE following.
Word of caution, follow only a few at a time, until they follow back. Your Twitter ranking, should you care about such things, is better when you have an even number of followers and followed, unless your MCHammer or something.
There’s also something called #followfriday. (Do you know about the # (hashtag) phenomenon. It’s basically a search paramater embedded in your Tweet. Like, if you tweet about American Idol and then include #AI you’ll show up in the thread of people following American Idol tweets. Anyhoo, #followfriday is where people suggest other people that you might like to follow. Each Friday, I pick someone from the book world and type somehting like “If you want great book reviews, check at @reviewromance #followfriday.” You hope (though I’m still waiting) that someone tweets the followfriday crowd to follow you, but some do anyway.
Thanks Carmen! I’m going to find Mr. Tweet and see if he’s sweet…
Lots of great info here, Lisa and I are going to dominate Twitter much sooner than we thought! haha.
Oh, and btw Carmen…I am loving your MC Hammer reference. It’s Hammer time!
Liz– I’m friends with Jimmy on FB (or someone posing as him) and he’s an over status updater!! He thinks FB is Twitter. But I love him so much that I give him a pass. He is Jimmy Fallon afterall (or someone posing as him).
F Twitter…I hate it! =0) Happy Monday!
Know what makes me feel REEEEELY old? When I listen to the Diane Rheem show on NPR, and she tells me that we can follow her on Twitter. Really? I mean, her voice shakes like she’s about 80 years old. And she’s on twitter when I can’t even figure the damn thing out?
I am having the hardest time just getting a widget for my sidebar. And, wtf is tweet deck? Twitterator? Twhirl? I’m all TWHAT????
Texan Mama, I so feel ya on this! Just when I think I’ve figured it out, they have something new!!! Twitter continues to be my nemesis!