Forgive me, I’m going to get on my soapbox for a moment.
While out to dinner with friends last night, the talk turned to education. We discussed assessments, interviews, essays, applications and top-secret interactive spreadsheets for hours. My head was ready to explode by the time the check came.
Now I know what you are thinking…I look way too young to have a college-bound child.(Or at least you better be thinking that!) So then you might throw up a little bit in your mouth when I tell you that the above mentioned things are all for entrance to KINDERGARTEN!!!
Yes, you heard that right-kindergarten. Apparently choosing the right one is a life or death decision these days. I’ve always told myself I wouldn’t be one of those parents who does a PowerPoint presentation for their kid’s preschool assignment and for the most part, I’m not. I really do try to keep things in perspective.
But what I underestimated was the influence of other parents. It’s almost impossible not to get worked up into a frenzy when your mom friends are going overboard. I seem to be the only one who hasn’t put together a spreadsheet detailing everything from test scores to lead analysis of the drinking fountains. And this information is protected with vigor from lazy moms like myself that don’t love their kids enough to spend hours on the computer researching and analyzing every last detail.
Maybe I am lazy, but part of me feels like it’s because I love my kids so much that I refuse to give in to this craziness. To believe that my child’s entire future is dependent on whether she attends the right kindergarten. That she’ll end up as some crackwhore living on the streets if I send her to the public school a block away rather than the private one with the shiny brochure and pricey tuition.
Maybe my view stems from the simplicity of my childhood, growing up in a small town in San Diego. My parents would throw my two older brothers and I in the backseat of our enormous yellow Buick and take off. No car seats or seat belts-this was the 70’s people! Then we would speed down the street to school. Once there, we would play on “The Fort”, a ridiculously dangerous wood monstrosity on the playground that was torn down in the mid-80’s after the school district finally declared it unsafe. After that, I would walk home with my brothers to our unlocked house and they would torture me until my Mom got home that evening. Yes, the world has changed a lot since then, but I’m still trying to find some sort of balance between the values of the two eras. And I like to think that I turned out pretty decent. I may not be able to locate North Dakota on a map or balance the checkbook well, but for the most part, the California state school system did right by me.
The bottom line is that we need to remember no matter what school our kids attend, it’s their values and determination that shapes who they become. Although my parents may have put me in mortal danger each time I got in a car with them, they taught me to be independent and that I can achieve anything if I’m willing to work hard.
So Spreadsheet Moms of the world, cut moms like me a little slack. We have a five-point plan too, it’s just a little different from yours. And if my daughter does end up a crackwhore, I officially give you permission to say “I told you so!” But only after you make a spreadsheet for me detailing all the best rehabs.
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Well you might as well just throw in the towel because if she hasn’t already been in the right PRESCHOOL, her fate is sealed.
Well, lucky for her, I spend thousands per month to make sure she can finger paint and sing “BINGO” on cue.
Ha ha ha ha! Hilarious…I seem to remember this conversation!
Ha! Yes, I knew you would get a kick out of this one! Thanks for reading!
and I bet we can find at least ONE homeless crackwhore that went to a pricey private school!
I am with you…too much stress!
Totally, Heather! I should take a survey of all the crackwhores in the area and report back with my findings…
For the record, this is not attributable to just CA, as I’ve heard these ridiculous discussions here in the ole heartland too. But I’m with you on the so-called “apathetic approach” so thanks for making my point.
Now can we have a serious discussion on how our kindergartners might not make varsity b/c they aren’t on the traveling soccer team yet!
Being the mom who put your life in danger everytime you rode in her car (I think Safety belts were an option item back then)I am grateful too that you lived long enough to become a mom and enjoy all these “life decisions.” Yes, those brothers of yours did torture you, but you survived, a bit tougher I would think. Alas, the lack of knowledge of Geography and balancing a check book, you got from me! Love MOM
Yes, Mom, seat belts were definitely “out” in the 1970s. Did “Buck Buick” even have them?
So the geography thing is genetic? Uh-oh. Hopefully the kids will take after Mike!
Too funny Liz. Darton and I were just having this discussion earlier. Julian went to a b-day party today and the little girl whose b-day it was just tranferred from our daycare to a Montessori school. When I heard that she was transferring (along with two other kids from daycare), I called the next day and had brochures sent over. In the end, I decided that Julian would do just fine staying where he was at, I think it’s all about the care the kids are getting, not the structure. No disrespect to the Montessori, I just think if the kids seem happy and on tract then it’s okay to leave them where they are at (I’m so NOT looking forward to choosing a K-6 school…ugh.
I know! It’s hard to make these choices because you honestly start to feel like your child’s whole life will be ruined if you make the wrong one. It’s then that I try to make myself take a step back and get some perspective. But it’s hard! And I get caught up in it too…
I’m so with you on this, and I refuse to give in to the insanity (I live in a D.C. suburb and it’s just as bad here). I can’t think it’s good for kids to have their parents be the equivalent of the crazy guy standing on the edge of the soccer field and screaming and directing his child’s every move — it’s not good in an educational or emotional sense, either. My kids probably won’t get into Harvard, and thank God, because that place is really expensive
Sarah, I totally agree. And I’m actually going to try to “dumb down” my kids so they can only attend state colleges. Maybe I’ll keep them up all night before the SATs?
Okay, Matt…I have to ask. Are you the crazy soccer dad?
Oh, and Christine, about the Moms putting their kids’ lives in danger (no seat belts, etc, back in the days…) Well, my favorite story is from a woman whose Mom used to let her ride up on the roof of the car on little quiet roads on the way home from picking blueberries at a nearby farm. Except once, when the Mom FORGOT she was up there and turned onto a busy, four-lane street and drove for several miles, while the little girl clung to the roof and enjoyed the ride.
Don’t worry Liz it never ends with these “super moms”.. best school, best club team, best classes, and on and on… WE are the biggest influences in our kids life and it seems as if you have it right on.
Thanks Gerry! I agree!
Ha! That is hilarious! Well, I didn’t even mention the pick-up truck that we used to ride in the back of to the store and back! It was always the highlight of our week.
I thought about this for a day or so and here it is – I’m the spread sheet mom! Ok, it’s out in the open for all to point & laugh. I’ve got the pro’s and con’s all laid out on private vs. public school, it’s even got a break down of uniform expenses. (Keep the laughing to a minimum, please.) But I might be getting ahead of myself because there is one question that is left answered, “Is my son ready?” When you have boys, as I’m learning, EVERYTHING is different. My son is interested in learning, he’s excited to go to school, but that doesn’t impress the preschool teacher one little bit. What she wants is for him to be “mature” enough to go to Kindergarten. So in the end I can have a very spirited discussion about public vs. private, including discussing magnet and charter schools, but right now I need to figure out how to get my son to “mature” before September.
All this might come out wrong… but all I can do is try. We are going to put him into kindergarten, as he would drive a preschool teacher insane if we didn’t! I know this, which is to say I know my son. We haven’t finalized the private vs. public school dilemma but we’ll get there… I mean really, school starts in 189 days!
Michelle, thanks for coming out of the closet!!!
If it makes you feel better, a great “mom friend” of mine has the mother of all spreadsheets and I adore her!
And I totally appreciate what you are saying. My little girl is on the cusp of the cut-off so I have to decide if she is ready too-it is very stressful!
I don’t have anything against spreadsheets, I just want people to know it’s okay if you don’t have one. That it doesn’t mean you love your kid any less. Because, admit it, we all know some pretty judgmental parents out there that can make you feel like that sometimes! Not you, of course!=)
Interesting article. While I agree that going to a good school–meaning one that actually teaches a solid foundation–is important, I’m thinking all this emphasis on the *right* schools in Kindergarten is a bit excessive. Didn’t the Japanese try this, heck, for that matter, still do it. I’m with you on the fact that regardless of the school, if we don’t teach them the value of learning does it matter which school they go to and if we don’t instill moral values, again does it matter which school they attend? I think future success of our children depend more on us taking a hand in their upbringing and teaching morals and balance than shipping them off to the *right* school, imo.
Also Matt, it’s nice to know that this stuff goes on everywhere, not just here in LA!
Hi Liz, no “Buck Buick” did not have safety belts. I think that the first car with safety belts was “Betty Ford” was that what you named the ford? Sounds like a first lady name. Since all of you must think we are crazy I need to explain that Liz named all of our cars when she was little. But by the time she and her friends were driving I had advanced to telling them all the first thing they needed to do when they go into a car. It was of course to put on their safety belt and locks all the doors. (that was before the doors locked automatically). Then before they could roll their eyes I told them the story about some weird looking guy tried to open the passenger door on my sister’s car when she was stopped at a light. She of course, listened to her sister and her door was locked and so she survised. Best way to get 16 year old’s attention is to tell a almost tragic story, since they are so emotional at that age anyway.
What! I was a perfect teenager. What are you talking about? hahahahaha. kidding. I was horrible.
You??? I like to tell the story of going to parent night at Lincoln Middle school and as I went from teacher to teacher, I kept hearing raves of what a wonderful student you were, how sweet, and so on. Finally, after the 4th teacher gave me the same line, I stopped her and asked, ” I’m sorry, I think you have me confused with someone else. I am Liz Clark’s mom.” she just laughed and said it happens all the time. She enlighted me that at that age ( I think you were 13) it is so tough, that the best of the bunch (you) gave their best at school and it was all spent by the time you got home. So thinking back, I guess it was better for you to make a good impression on others so when I bragged, they actually believed it.