“Facebook Whore and Proud of It”—that’s the flair that’s proudly posted on my Facebook wall. Hard to believe since just two short months ago, I was still a Facebook hold out that had to be dragged kicking and screaming to my laptop to sign up. It was a blissfully ignorant life, not knowing what a wall was, the significance of a notification and still believing getting poked could only be sexual.
But once my profile was created, it was almost scary how effortlessly I learned the lingo and incorporated Facebook into my daily technological routine. It became the start to my day. I’d wake up and immediately check it on my Iphone. Before coffee. Before toilet. Before leg swung over bed and foot hit floor. And as I got ready, I’d be tossing around ideas for that day’s hopefully witty status update (there’s a lot of pressure!).
And now, I often wonder, what the hell was I thinking waiting so long? I love an audience and who better than my 200+ friends who have no choice but hear about the fact I’m at the dentist and irritated by the sound of the drill, unless, gulp, they unfriend me?
But it wasn’t until two days ago that I officially crowned myself a Facebook whore and left my crackberry addiction in the dust. TMI alert: I checked my Facebook while on the toilet. Right then and there, I ordered up the Facebook whore flair, agreed with all the people who’d been accusing me of being an addict and threw in the towel. It was time to call a spade a spade.
In honor of the “20 random things about me” note, here are “Lisa’s 20 random Facebook rants”:
1. THE VAGUE STATUS. Why do you post “I’m trembling with fear” if you aren’t going to tell all of us why?
2. THE NON STATUS. Come on people, I know you’ve got something to say!
3. THE BORING STATUS. Jazz it up! If you’re doing dishes, add in that you’re irritated your husband’s not helping or you’d rather be walking on nails.
4. THE ONE TRACK STATUS. You know who you are. The status revolves around one thing and one thing only. (See #3)
5. THE HUG REQUESTER. Never going to accept. Please stop. Even I have limits.
6. THE NON -WALL RESPONDER. I suppose it’s your choice to not reply when I write on your wall. But it feels like a call isn’t being returned or an email isn’t being answered.
7. THE PERPETUAL POSTER. I love your enthusiasm for every link and video clip under the sun, but can we be a little choosier? Oh pretty please.
8. FRIEND REQUEST ANXIETY. Does anyone else spend way too much time trying to craft the perfect friend pitch? For me, it’s like Match.com all over again. That fear of rejection is intense!
9. WALL ETIQUETTE. Why has discretion gone out the window and indiscretion ended up on the wall?
10. TMI’ER. There’s a time and a place to tell me you’re divorced and what % of custody you got. On my wall? Not so much. (See #9)
11. THE SIDE EMAILER. The main problem I have with this is when you’re married & hitting on me. Let’s put it this way- if you can’t write it on my wall, you shouldn’t be writing it.
12. THE FRIEND WHORE. That’s me. Plain and simple. I have friends I should know, but don’t know why. I have friends I don’t know at all.
13. THE “I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY FRIENDS I HAVE” LIAR. Please. We all know our number.
14. THE AFTER HOURS IM’ER. We haven’t talked since high school and you want to chat me up at 11pm? A little odd for my taste especially if you fit #11.
15. THE PREMATURE REUNION PLANNER. I don’t know about you, but I’m not excited to admit that my 20 year high school reunion is only two years away. Do we really need to start planning it now?
16. THE NON PROFILE PICTURE POSTER. Unless you really are a shadow with a man’s short hair cut, show us your face!!
17. THE MIA FRIEND. I know everyone can’t be addicted. But I miss you when you aren’t active for days. When your status report has been the same since last Tuesday.
18. THE COMMENT CUL-DE-SAC. You write, then I write back, then you write, then I write back. When do the comments cease?
19. THE LOL’ER. I feel bad attacking you because I’m a happy face’er, but really? Are you really LAUGHING OUT LOUD?
20. THE HUMILIATOR. If you’re going to dig up the old photos, can you TRY to find one where I don’t look like a chubby, mom-jean wearing, uni-brow sporting co-ed? I know I was, but still.
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uh-oh Lisa…are all your friends going to unfriend you now you’ve outed them?
I’m afraid I fall into several of these, in particular #2 and #17…but I can handle who I am on FB.
Does this mean I should stop emailing all my old HS girlfriends and start posting on their wall? Screw that!
This is fantastic.
Oh, and I have laughed out loud so I am proud to use my lol:) but you are right, sometimes I snicker silently or just grin and still write lol.
BTW, I joined your blog network. Looking forward to seeing you on my NewsWall—another favorite fb feature.
Jill–LOVE YOU. Thanks so much
(See, I’m a happy face whore BTW… so I’m no better than the LOL’ers of the world)
Happy you’re following the blog and that you know about the news wall.
Well, I’m hoping they’ll give me a pass. Either that, or they’re in denial about their Facebook faux pas and don’t think I’m talking about them!
PS: I’m a happy face whore and proud of it!
You are #2 and #17. We need to do something about that– even if you only upgrade to #3, I’ll take it!
And can we talk about how your happy face looks like he’s grimacing?
I know I am #15! I have people asking me at least once a week what is going on with the reunion-and I don’t even live in Vista! Come on, Lisa, I know you want to partake in the planning…Great blog!
Yes– that is you! I’m just freaked out about being 38 and don’t want to deal with it… So, it’s really not about the reunion as much as it is about my age. But c’mon, admit it, you’re spearheading! Don’t try to act like it’s other people begging you to plan. You want to plan!
And thanks for complimenting the blog. I was hoping people would laugh rather than unfriend me.
I Loved these- and they are all so true. I hate LOL- would rather write hahaha or bwhahaha- (my evil, taking over the world laugh).
Janna–I love bwhahaha! May I steal it from time to time?
Excellent! Found you via Intrepid Tuesday – congrats! My entry was facebook-related, too.
Amy- Thanks! Excited to be a part of Intrepid Tuesday. Just checked out your blog. Love it!