Don Julio made me do it!
I just returned from a fabulous Mexican vacation sans kids and I have to tell ya, it was much needed break from the daily grind. Between the spotty cell service and low Mexicano wi-fi signal, I was detached from the world whether I liked it or not!
Well, almost detached from the world…if you don’t count the fact that it was a company-sponsored awards trip so over a hundred of my colleagues were also in attendance. Lisa and I generally have a policy not to talk about our “day jobs” on this blog but I’m going to make an exception this one time since, well, I just need to tell someone about the hot torrid affair I had while there.
His name was Don Julio. *cough* Actually, his full name is Don Julio Tequila Reposado. And with all due respect to my husband, Don Julio is the smoothest thing I’ve had slide down my throat in a really long time.
We met Don Julio the first night at the welcome reception and, at first, I was hesitant to embrace what he had to offer. I had been burned by his cousin Jose(Cuervo, that is) and even by their rich uncle Patron. In fact, I thought I had sworn off their family forever after a tequila-induced lap dance contest that went horribly wrong the last time I was in Mexico. In fact, that’s probably the reason I had waited ten years to come back!
But Don Julio was different. He really helped me get over the awkwardness of going from PowerPoint presentations and buttoned-up suits at sales meetings to belly-button rings and bikinis at the pool. And like any new relationship, I couldn’t wait to get to the bar to see what he was up to. Don Julio could do no wrong as far as I was concerned and the two of us became the life of the party!
And much to my husband’s chagrin, I talked about my love for him to anyone that would listen.
Have a hangover? Don Julio insists he can make you feel better again!
Having trouble getting your buzz on for Cabo Wabo? A little kiss from Don Julio and you’ll be climbing the catwalk!
Nervous about networking? Don Julio has a three-point strategy for you that includes salt, lime and a whistle.
Donnie J(that was my nickname for him) and I went everywhere together. And I had talked him up so much to others that they became interested in meeting him too. But like any hot and heavy relationship, we were destined to burn ourselves out. And after a night at Cabo Wabo that included catwalk cougar dances and a near run-in with the Federales , Don Julio and I called it quits. I just couldn’t be with someone who made me feel so bad the morning after. Someone who dehydrated me and ruined my anti-stress massage because I was too dizzy to lie flat on my stomach.
And it hurt when I saw Don Julio move on so quickly, like I was was just another notch in his hand-embroidered belt. I couldn’t even look him in the eye as I watched my former flame hook up with other girls on our last night there. I shook my head and tried to warn them that even though Donnie J had given them to courage to dirty dance with their boss’s boss’s boss, they would regret it in the morning. But like me, they needed to learn their lesson the hard way. And when I saw those same girls boarding the airport shuttle the next day holding their heads in shame and looking like ass on a stick, I gave them a quiet nod to show that I understood. We had all been burned by the same man.
Don Julio.
And in an effort to circumvent any corporate backlash that may come from my antics, I have assembled a Don Julio made me do it list just in case…
BEFORE Don Julio
AFTER Don Julio
It wasn’t my fault! Don Julio made me:
*Climb up a questionable ladder to a catwalk at Cabo Wabo and scream at the twenty-something cuties in the band like a Cougar in heat.
* Do my best impersonation of a top twenty finalist on “So You Think You Can Dance” on above-mentioned catwalk and then proceed to ask everyone if they had my ticket to “Vegas”.
*Ask the man walking around with tequila shots and a whistle to show us what he had under his Poncho. (And trust me, you don’t want to know…)
* Made the ultimate vacation fashion faux pas by wearing a straw cowboy hat even though I clearly knew better.
*Danced to Bon Jovi with a man dressed like a sweaty pirate for ten minutes before realizing it was actually my counterpart at work.
xoxo
Liz
Add a Comment
I personally had a suspicion of some minor flirting going on but was unaware of a full blown affair. I am disgusted that I participated in the affair by having a few tastes myself. Maybe if I would have focused less on my next beverage and more on my wife’s needs this horrible incident would have never happened! I blame myself. We both learned a lot from this, have worked things out and are happy to report that we are going to stay together despite this infidelity. Hopefully this will help others to avoid bringing this type of stress and carelessness into their own lives. By the way, I do believe I am he one who snapped the “after” photo. I am so oblivious!
Mike, in your defense, Don Julio is one smooth operator…Sorry, he just made me feel so good! And then…so bad! xoxo
I have to admit, I’ve never had DJ. I’ve always been pretty snobby with my tequila (and, um, EVERYTHING–shock-a-roo) and always thought Patron was the only way to go. But after hearing about your adventures (especially DJ’s three-point strategy) I’m now inclined to hit him up for some advice! Or, at the very least, a cat walk experience! Meow! xoxo
PS: You totally one-upped me in the photo dept. My Maui pics are now, simply, sub par. And it takes A LOT for me to admit that. Not to mention, I can’t get my Facebook iphoto uploader to work so my “amazing” Wrigley pics from two days ago could soon be *big fat sigh* outdated! Boo!
PS#2: LOVE THE PICS of MF and the dolphin, Ede!!
just so you know, I will NOT be compiling a list of things tequila made me do… uh, no way.
Lisa, DJ puts Patron to shame…I’m thinking we can invite him to out LA book signing and girls night out. He told me that he’s into smart, sassy girls and happy endings!
Don’t feel bad about your Maui pics…we had a professional photographer at every event…seriously! His name was Bob.
And it took Mike A while to warm up to Ede the dolphin but she was really into him so he finally just gave in!
xoxo
Crystal, Come on!!! You know you want to sexy mama!
Liz–Will DJ cross the border? If so, I might be inclined to try him here. But, maybe what happens in Mehico should stay in Mehico?
I saw your note about the professional photog. Did make me feel slightly better…but still. You win, damnit!!
And from the looks of it, Mike and Ede were getting along just fine :)
xoxo
CLP– c’mon. I will if you will.
Is this a good time to admit that every, EVERY single regrettable sexual experience of my life can be directly linked to a member of the tequila family?
And the hangovers are the WORST! Now, I’m all about the vodka.
I can’t stop giggling Liz! I’ve actually been on a bit of tequila thing recently, and am now VERY interested on going out for a night with Donnie J. Perhaps I’ll have to take him out with Jenny while we’re in San Diego. She’s been trying to play coy, pretending like she doesn’t want to go down the tequila road, but I’m going to suck her in!
Oh, and the pictures are a little too beautiful! You look AMAZING in all of them! How is your hair NOT frizzy and curly?!?!? WTF??? You are forever my idol! :)
“And with all due respect to my husband, Don Julio is the smoothest thing I’ve had slide down my throat in a really long time.”
This part made me choke on my water and laugh out loud! So glad that Mr. Julio was able to calm your nerves and help you let loose! You still look completely sober in the after picture though, just really happy! :)
Michelle,
Yes, this is your safe place to admit to all questionable tequila experiences! And I agree about the vodka. I switched to Grey Goose years ago but I felt like I needed to embrace some local culture by getting completely smashed on Tequila and eating questionable shrimp tacos from a street vendor at 1am.
Thea, Two words: PEER PRESSURE!!! Jenny, like the people on my trip, will crumble in no time and soon you two will be riding your Don Julio buzz all over town.
And thank re: the pics!!! You know my girl CHI had my back.
Nikolett,
Thanks! There are actually pictures of me up on the catwalk but they didn’t come out that great. And the best drunk one had someone else in it that I wasn’t sure would want to be outed as the tequila whore she became on this trip. But trust me, I was LIT in the pic I posted! xoxo
Liz,
Just the mention of questionable shrip tacos is making me gag…lol. That’s what the Don will do to you.
I figured it was the Chi, but I think we need to talk product and what you do when you rock the natural curl…I request an updated blog with the info ASAP! :)
Liz, you are so hilarious!!! I love reading everything you write – pure entertainment! John and I are HUGE fans of DJ! It is our fav too and hearing your stories made me laugh so hard! Thank you for that and so haappy to hear you enjoyed your vacation! Love it!
Thea, yes, you and I share the same bipolar hair, it can’t decide if it’s straight or curly!!! Call me girl, I’ll give you all my secrets! xoxo
Patricia!!! You are so sweet, and I’m so glad you and John know about my man Donnie J…maybe next time you come down we will have to all hang out with Don Julio together! xoxo