We just got back from one of our favorite places to escape to when we just want to get the hell out of Dodge–SIN CITY. And this trip definitely did NOT disappoint. We’d like to give a shout out to everyone from the vertically challenged Elvis impersonators running rampant through the casinos to the professional tanners at the Venetian pool who make that woman in There’s Something About Mary look pale, for giving us more blog fodder than we could’ve ever hoped for! In fact, it sparked an idea. We thought we’d finally answer our own “25 Q’s”….but with a Vegas spin!
1. Inside my purse for a Vegas night out, you’ll discover:
LIZ: Cash, chips, players card, ATM card (for after I get drunk & lose my ass playing Blackjack), lipstick, breath mints and phone number of a good attorney. (Just in case!)
LISA: My ID (praying I’ll get carded), my cell phone (in case I need to make that one call), $100 cash (if I lose that, I’m done- I swear!), and my AMEX (That “never leave home without it” slogan gives me comfort!).
2. Inside my suitcase for Vegas, you’ll find:
LIZ: Slutty shirts, low-slung jeans (no mom jeans allowed!) and glittery makeup.
LISA: Jeans & a black top (shockingly original, I know!), ballet flats (learned the hard way NOT to wear four-inch heels & need to be escorted up to your room to change into comfortable shoes. See #11– “one eyed Jack”) & the book I never end up reading by the pool I never end up going to.
3. My secret Vegas talent is:
LIZ: The ability to walk five miles back to the hotel in 100-degree heat and four-inch heels. It always looks so much closer than it is!
LISA: The uncanny ability to always find the blackjack dealer with only four teeth.
4. If stranded in Vegas, the five things I could not live without:
LIZ: B-12 pills, strapless bra, straightening iron, tickets to Barry Manilow’s show and the number to Gamblers Anonymous hotline.
LISA: iPhone, MacBook, earplugs, dandelion root (keeps you from bloating!!) and a bottle of water that I’d keep refilling in the Bellagio fountain if I had to.
5. On my nightstand in Vegas you’ll find:
LIZ: Five bottles of partially-drank water, a ton of 50-cent coins and a barf bag.
LISA: Water, water and more water.
6. Worst Vegas wingman job:
LIZ: **taps on microphone** LaSundra, please step up to the podium & accept your award for WORST. WINGWOMAN. EVER. You know why, girlfriend.
LISA: Chaperoning a friend who shall remain nameless (you know who you are!) & some old, obnoxious guy all night– because I feared he’d take her up to his room & kill her Vegas style.
7. Vegas hangover meal:
LIZ: BLT with avocado, extra crispy fries with Ranch. Thank God I don’t live there, I’d gain 50 lbs!
LISA: Tuna melt, fries & a regular coke at the Garden Café in the Bellagio
8. The location where I gamble:
LIZ: As a certified gambling addict, I’ll play anywhere. BUT, my favorite place is a little hole-in-the-wall called Wild Bill’s. They have $5 Craps and I can usually guarantee I’ll be the youngest girl there, which always makes me feel good!
LISA: Hard Rock Casino
9. The three songs that make me think of Vegas memories:
LIZ: Tootsie Roll, Gin & Juice and anything from Hootie & the Blowfish circa 1995.
LISA: Baby Got Back, I’m Too Sexy & Hot in Here
10. If I was on the front page of The Las Vegas Journal, my headline would read:
LIZ: 35- year-old woman arrested for jumping onstage and fondling Chippendale dancers, blames Don Julio.
LISA: Chick Lit Author literally loses her shirt at Coyote Ugly
11. My worst Vegas hook up:
LIZ: Oh, God. Probably when I was at the Hard Rock and made out with some guy in front of a slot machine until we were interrupted by someone who wanted to play. The machine, that is.
LISA: Three words: One. Eyed. Jack.
12. Proudest Vegas hook up:
LIZ: When we were first dating, my husband told me he loved me for the first time while in Vegas, right before he passed out in his club sandwich. Very touching.
LISA: Matt also said, “I love you” for the first time in Vegas. We were at a Black Jack table and come to think of it, he probably said it to the dealer after he got 21 & I thought he was talking to me! That would explain the shocked and confused expression on his face when I said it back! ;)
13. The three things that make me think of Vegas:
LIZ: Feather boas, kamikaze shots and that ching-ching-ching-ching noise.
LISA: Joe Pesci, Bachelorette parties (Gag! That includes yours Liz!) and guys with striped, button down shirts and jeans.
14. My “must see” Vegas landmark:
LIZ: Um, the only sightseeing I do in Vegas is in the cab to and from the airport.
LISA: The inside of the Hard Rock casino. It’s pretty much all I see the entire time I’m there! (Although they’ve now made it more visually interesting by adding pole dancers!)
15. My Vegas Starbucks order:
LIZ: No Starbucks in Vegas for me. The shots I’m drinking aren’t coming out of an espresso machine!
LISA: I always want Starbucks, but end up drinking bad café coffee as I try not to throw up on my ballet flats.
16. Most common way I’ve used my favorite curse word in a sentence in Vegas:
LIZ: “Look! He’s doing the fucking Worm” after my husband hits 32 on roulette and proceeds to drop to the floor and celebrate with his awful rendition of that 80’s dance move.
LISA: Why did I fucking hit the ATM again?
17. Gambling game of choice:
LIZ: Craps! Fast-paced and it’s the one place you can yell at people and they don’t seem to mind.
LISA: Roulette. There’s no better feeling than winning $35 dollars when your number hits. I’ve seen grown men cry with joy over it.
18: Vegas vice:
LIZ: Acting like I’m a high roller without the cash to back it up.
LISA: Drinking with abandon like I’m still 22.
19: Vegas performer crush:
LIZ: Barry Manilow!
LISA: Elton John! (With the Ricky Martin knock-off in the Legends show coming in a close second)
20. The last thing I’d do in Vegas before execution:
LIZ: Gamble the night away at the Playboy club at the Palms; the music is awesome there! And then eat the biggest fattest BLT the world has ever seen.
LISA: Put all of my money on black.
21. Best Vegas celebrity, impersonator or otherwise sighting:
LIZ: JT, baby!
LISA: Ditto that! Jorts and all.
22. Three words to summarize my last trip to Vegas are:
LIZ: SUPER. INCREDIBLY. AWESOME.
LISA: Too. Many. Nights.
23. The title of my book about Vegas would be:
LIZ: The Girlfriend’s Guide to Gambling
LISA: It should’ve stayed in Vegas. The true “not so love” story of Lisa & One-eyed Jack
24. Vegas drink of choice:
LIZ: Stoli Raspberry and club soda, YUM!
LISA: The one that doesn’t give me a gnarly hangover the next day! (Still trying to find it!)
25. True or False- What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas:
LIZ: TRUE, or at least I hope it does…
LISA: True dat!
xox0, Liz & Lisa
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you two are hilarious!
Maxx, Thanks! xoxo Liz
Hey, it’s not my fault that Rigoberto(yes, I remeber his name!!) Wanted to dance the night away at Club Rio!!! Shizz, is that place even still around?
LaSundra, you could at least picked a guy with cuter friends!!! Come on, now! xoxo
I want to hear more about one-eyed Jack! This is too funny… my husband always has to drag me away from blackjack when we go to Vegas (where, by the way, my younger brother got married at a ceremony featuring an Elvis impersonator who kept hitting on the bride!!) The only thing nuttier than being in Vegas was being there with my entire family and future in-laws. My mother got tipsy, smoked a cigarette for the first time in her life, and let slip that I was, um, “unplanned.” When I — shocked and sober (I was five months pregnant) — reacted to this, she waved me off and said, “Oh, honey, your father loves you NOW!” It still cracks me up.
Sarah!
Well, Lisa and I actually had a chapter in “I’ll Have Who She’s Having” that detailed that crazy night but we cut it during editing. Now you’ll never know! haha.
And your Vegas sounds as crazy as ours, but then again, having the family and in-laws involved always takes things up a notch!
xoxo
P.S. So happy your dad warmed up to you!
Sarah–Ah yes, one-eyed Jack. I realize that I must eventually reveal his story…. And trust me, I will! It’s a pretty good story :)
Your younger brother’s wedding sounds hilarious! Sort of “Hangover-esque”!!
You can always count on Vegas to bring out EVERYONE’S wild side….even those we least suspect!
xoxo, Lisa