We love Las Vegas for so many reasons. And not just because of it’s lenient open-container laws and 24-hour buffets. It’s more about that Vegas feeling. You know, that flutter in your stomach as your cab barrels down the strip, narrowly avoiding pedestrians? It’s the feeling that ANYTHING can happen. Where else can you dance on the bar at Coyote Ugly, play blackjack with Nick Lachey and take a picture with a “little person” Elvis impersonator all in the same night? What other city in America would be so tolerant when you throw up in a casino trashcan after your fifth kamikaze shot? And where else can us thirty-somethings go to reclaim our youth by drinking with abandon and staying up all night? Las Vegas has a little somethin’ somethin’ for everyone.
And not to be cocky, but we consider ourselves to be “Vegas Experts.” I guess that’s what happens when you have a fake ID at eighteen and attend a college that’s just a three-hour car ride away. Needless to say, we’ve had the best of times and the worst of times in Sin City. Just about anything that can happen, has happened to us in Vegas.
And although we are true believers that what happens in Vegas should by all means stay there, we thought we’d provide a few pointers for your next trip.
Liz & Lisa’s Girlfriend’s Guide To Vegas
IT’S TIME TO DOUBLE DOWN WHEN:
1. You and your boyfriend get two different offers for three-ways in the same weekend. And you choose not to focus on the fact that one woman had the body of a prepubescent boy and the other was so hammered she could barely stand.
2. A dashingly handsome British guy named Johnny sits next to you at the blackjack table and tells you that he thinks you’re 25. (And you promise to properly thank your boyfriend later for not correcting him!)
3. You listened to your psychic and confidently bet all your money on the number three. You not only win $1,000 but the entire table is begging you for your roulette recipe for success. You haven’t felt this good since twenty minutes ago when your blackjack table companion thought you were 25 (see #2).
4. The pit boss at Wild Bill’s upgrades your player’s card to “gold status” and offers you a comped night in the “penthouse” suite (on the 4th floor). And even though you’d rather spend the night sleeping on a pool chair at Circus Circus than so much as even stick your big toe inside the free room, you still feel like a “high roller.”
5. You take your pasty white complexion outside when it’s 110 degrees, lounge in the wade pool for hours and thank the Vegas gods when you don’t end up burning like the leathery skinned, There’s Something About Mary look-a-like next to you.
6. Your cab driver tells you that you’re the most entertaining passengers he’s had all night and you’re so caught up in his praise that you don’t mind that he’s missing four teeth and smells like a combination of tequila and pine air freshener!
IT’S TIME TO CASH IN YOUR CHIPS WHEN:
1. You’re starting to feel right at home with all the crazy UFC fans and consider their invitation to cruise up to their suite at Imperial Palace for an impromptu “fight club”.
2. You’re shaking like a crackwhore after your tenth Red Bull and Grey Goose.
3. The drink lady at Hard Rock cut you off even after you tipped her $10 a drink. (see number #2)
4. You’ve smoked ten cigarettes despite the fact that you don’t even know how to smoke. That’s probably why you made a rookie mistake and accidentally burned a hole in the shirt of the drunk guy next to you at the blackjack table.
5. You don’t blink an eye when you open your hotel room door and discover your neighbor passed out facedown in a hamburger in the hallway. In fact, you’re so hungry that you consider taking a french fry off her plate.
6. You literally don’t have any chips to cash in! That’s when it’s time to cash in your figuritive chips and say good bye to dear ol’ Vegas. (Unless, of course, you have a really great cash advance plan on your Visa!)
xoxo, Liz & Lisa
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So true on so many levels. Here is what I find interesting about Vegas and I know you have seen it too. Since we live so close we have been many times ( I’ve gone twice so far this year), so the glamour and bright lights don’t seem so WOW anymore. What I notice is that for some reason when women who come to Vegas less frequently they feel the need to wear the skankiest dress, highest heals, and trashiest make-up and feel the best accessory for that look is a yard size margarita plastic tube they wear around their neck? WTF? They couldn’t possibly wear that at home right?? Ladies, a maxi dress, flip flops, and lip gloss is really all you need for an entire weekend in Vegas. And always split Aces!
Carrie– I totally hear you. Also, WTF with stilettos and bikinis? Seriously that’s only OK if you’re attached to a stripper pole in a strip club. But when you’re prancing around wearing silver stilettos (w/ spike heels), full hair and make up and costume jewelry at the POOL, there’s something very, very wrong. I think after you’ve become a “regular” like us… you figure out that once the men are drunk, it doesn’t care what anyone is wearing. I can get hit on if I roll out of bed and head to the casino in my sweat pants and baseball cap. xoxo
The stilletos and bikinis are a welcome combo rarely seen poolside in the — ahem — suburbs. I’m not ashamed to admit that the skankiness factor not only has a place, but even an allure, if only for a fleeting & drunken night. Ahhhhhh Vegas.
Carrie,
Girl, you would have DIED if you saw some of the outfits going on Saturday night. So bad. So whorey. So tight. So wrong. But I do love me some Vegas. Last night I was playing craps and some guy just yelled his room number at me from across the table with my husband at the next table! Vegas. There’s no other place like it on Earth. xoxo
Love, love, love your blog! I read it every time.
I have left you an award at my blog come check it out – http://itsjustme-wendy.blogspot.com/
This is Vegas. I’m glad you didn’t live fully by the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mantra and shared this with us instead. Thanks, Liz and Lisa!!!
Wendy–OMG. Thank you so much for the award! To us, being called THE MOST HILARIOUS BLOG EVER is like winning an Academy Award! xoxoxo, LIz & Lisa
MATT– I’m so SHOCKED that you would like that combination! Is now the time that I admit the shirtless UFC guys kind of turned me on? ;)
Jen, You are welcome!!! xoxo Liz
I am not sure mom’s are suppose to comment after reading about their daughters and friends trip to La Vegas at any age. BUT remember you invited ME to your bachelorette party in Las Vegas. You took ME to a strip club with all your girlfriends. One of you “friends” bought ME a lapdance from a sweaty guy clad in underwear with an awesome body who LaSundra mentioned would most likely rather be grinding on another dude!
Mom,
Yes, it’s true. I brought you to my bachelorette and took you to a nasty strip club with a bunch of gay beefcakes. But weren’t you the one that bought me a SEE-THROUGH shirt from Victoria Secret and then MADE me switch out my non see-through shirt for it? hmmm…I think you were a bad influence on ME! xoxo
Liz–Cristine–
That see through shirt DID HAPPEN. I was there and unfortunately, I had to see through it.
xoxo, Lisa
Okay girls, if you REALLY remember it was one of those tops that are about the size that would fit on one of your preschool daughter’s babydolls but expands as you put it on. In my defense, it did not look see-through until Liz pulled it over those huge boobs of hers!! (by the way, in our family, big breasts skip generations as you got them from MY mom. So Riley will most likely only get to a B like her grandmom! Mom
Cristine–sorry.. but I still stand true to the fact that it was SHEER. But I’m confident that you meant well :) xoxo, Lisa