I’m counting down the minutes until I leave for Hawaii later this week but trying not to think about how many hours and hours it will take me to pack for one husband, two children and a mother-in-law. And the thought of schlepping all of that sh*t 2500 miles across the Pacific Ocean? Terrifiying!
But as many of you know, it’s critical to pack wisely when traveling with two children under five. And no one understands that more than me. Does anyone remember that I’m the bad mommy that forgot MY KID’S SWIMSUITS on our last trip? I can still hear their angry crying ringing in my ears sometimes. Guess what will be the first thing I pack?
But before we can get to the pool to *relax*, we have to all arrive in one piece with our sanity intact. So for those of you also planning a last minute getaway before school starts, I’d thought I’d kindly provide you with my my must-have checklist!
Don’t you dare say Aloha until you read this!
1. DVD PLAYER WITH EXTENDED BATTERY LIFE- After emptying Target of every Scooby-Doo and Spongebob DVD that was available, I feel confident that it will keep my kids happy even while they are buckled into in a tiny space for FIVE HOURS. *Roll eyes* Yeah Right!
2. MEDICATION- Um, *just in case* my toddle *allergies* act up on the flight, I want to be prepared. Oh wait, it helps put him to sleep too? *fakes surprise* I had no idea!
3. FRUIT SNACKS- Whether you want your fruit snacks shaped liked Tonka trucks, Princesses, Backyardigans, Dora or Einsteins, I’m here for you. Want it roll-up style? Or in sticker form? By the foot? I’m your gal! Because nothing stops crying faster than a bag of fruit snacks. And I’m more than willing to pay the price for the sugar-high later when we are safely on the ground.
4. IPOD- Because Mama might need to go to her “Nick Lachey” happy place after the fifteenth time my son demands to take a “stroll” down the airplane aisle.
5. EARPLUGS- For when that drunk man in the chaise next to me at the pool wants to discuss health care reform, immigration or what constitutes a valid birth certificate.
6. SLUTTY SHIRT FOR BOOZE CRUISE- Thanks to my MIL, I might actually get a few hours of alone time with Hubby on this trip. And there’s nothing like a booze cruise to take your mind off the fact that you’ll be kicked all night while sleeping Brady Bunch style with your kids in one bed later that night.
7. SWIM SKORT-To hide the after-effects of too many pupus and Pina Coladas on above-mentioned booze cruise.
8. LIFE VEST FOR TWO-YEAR OLD- Because Mama needs to keep an eye on her drink too.
9. HELLO KITTY-What is it about that damn cat! All I know is my four-year old daughter will just about anything for a Hello Kitty pencil. It’s like crack for kindergartners. And I’m willing to pay street value to keep her happy on this trip!
10. HIGH-SPEED CAMERA- So I can be sure to capitalize on the one minute that both children actually look into the camera and smile!
Xoxo, Liz
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Liz–It’s all about #2 and #8. These are absolute must haves so you can have the best of both worlds!! Just one Q–what are you bringing to keep your MIL occupied? xoxo
Ha! Um, I don’t know? What do you suggest?
I dunno…don’t have one of those yet. Have you ever traveled with her before?
Oh, girl, I totally hear you. Remember we flew with the kiddies across country earlier this summer? I’m a very fearful flyer to I take just a wee bit of Valium to get on a plane. It makes the journey so much more pleasant. Just remember you can buy anything you forget, including a new husband. Kidding! They probably don’t sell them in gift shops in Hawaii.
My favorite line: Because Mommy needs to keep an eye on her drink, too.
I want that printed up on a t-shirt!
Sarah–that’s a great t-shirt! PS: I hear they do sell hubbies in “certain” gift shops!
Really? Lisa, please forward info pronto. I, um, might need to research it. For, you know, a book or something!
Actually, at this point in my life I’m more likely to buy an extra wife to help with the kids and housework! How sad is that?
Sarah–Well then that opens up a whole can of worms for her role with, er, your husband. You’re not talking “Big Love” style, are you?
Thanks Sarah! Maybe I’ll get that T-shirt made for us! ha! xoxo
The extra wife would not be allowed to have “relations” with the husband. If I’m really tired, they could maybe have a kiss. But no tongue.
I have two daughters who are now almost 9 and 5.5. Last year at this time we took our first family trip to Walt Disney World. My oldest threw up next to my bed early that morning, and my youngest threw up on me on the plane. I now know there is nothing I can’t handle. Enjoy!
Stacy,
Wow! I had a pukey trip with my daughter when she was 18 months that I’ll nevuh forget! But, yes, now you know you can handle anything! xoxo
This is hilarious! When we went to Hawaii before Christmas, I had to do a 5 hour leg from here to AZ without the hubby, pick him up in AZ and then another 6 hour jet with all of us over to Maui. When it was just me with three kids in the airport, I looked like a pack mule – I was carrying the baby (he couldn’t walk yet), carseats, backpacks, portable DVD player, diaper bag, my laptop, purse, all my kids blankets because they can’t leave without them. Eli was complaining about walking so far and he bit it on the moving sidewalk – so me, my kids and all my shit went flying everywhere. There’s always those people who roll their eyes and look at you in disgust -hoping you are not on their plane – but there’s always that one guy (who you know just respects his mama) who offers to help and gets you on the plane. What a sweetie he was. They need to sell him in the giftshops.
Crystal! Omg, I started having a panic attack just reading that! AndI totally know what you mean about the one guy…but I think he probably thought you were one hot mama…but don’t worry, I’m sure he respects his mom too!
Wish me luck! xoxo
I hope you get to bring some chick lit with you! Have a great trip!
Thanks Seana! xoxo
once my third screamed the whole Londton to NYC flight, puked on me, the seat, and into the guy behind me’s…sneaker! i had to take off my shirt and wear a jog-bra the entire flight. the stewardess had to take off the seat cover (did you know that came off?) and I wrapped baby in the itchy blanket, back when airlines gave out blankets. trips w/the MIL are not holidays, they are obligation vacations.
cheers!
Valerie!
OMG, that is crazy! And no, I did not realize that the seat covers came off, but it’s good to know! We just got back and I have to say it wasn’t too bad…except for when my two-year old pooped on himself at the Maui airport!
xoxo
lisa,
what do you mean “why are you bringing your mil? have you ever traveled with her”? girl – that’s the best thing she’s got going. a built in babysitter who isn’t interested in getting laid – she just wants to play with her grdbabies and frankly, she doesn’t give a sh** what you guys are doing while she’s playing with the kids.
grdma
Heidi–I suppose that’s one way of looking at it! ;)
Heidi,
You are one sassy Grandma! But I must say, I think my MIL does want to get laid. But she likes to play with the kids too so it’s all good! xoxo