I ran into an old friend the other day at Starbucks. (Where else?) I hadn’t seen him in forever and was dying to know if he had stuck it out with his latest girlfriend or went back to serial dating. (Three words: Majuh. Commitment. Phobe.) But before I could get my scoop, he started asking about my very recent trip to Hawaii and my daughters’s first day of school.
What?
Um, is this guy stalking me or something? I mean, I was rockin’ my new do’… but although it was short and sassy, it wasn’t exactly stalker-worthy!
I was perplexed. But then, as he began to pellet me with questions about resorts, booze cruises and luaus, it came to me.
He was a Facebook voyeur! A social network Peeping Tom!
Now, let me just say for the record, that some of my favorite people are FB voyeurs. They spend just as much time perusing status updates and profiles as you and I, they just don’t feel the need to participate. Like me, you might even forget they are even ON Facebook until they reveal themselves the next time you see them by asking you about the caffeine or your Bachelorette addiction. That’s when you know you’ve got a Lookey Loo on you hands.
Fascinated by these Facebook rebels, I rang up some of my friends who fall in this category. I just had to know why they won’t even list what year they were born or give some of my sassy statuses a thumbs up. (It’s just ONE click! Help a sista out here!) I needed to see why all their wall posts go unanswered and all their fan page invitations are declined. Um, especially THIS ONE!
So now I’m ready to break it down for you. To tell you why your second cousin never poked you back or why you’ll never see pictures of their kids until you finally suck it up and attend that family reunion next summer.
THE MULTI- TASKER
Always on the run, the multi-tasker prefers to get their “booking” done via iPhone or Blackberry. She really does want to know what you are making for dinner or how your son’s soccer practice went, but actually commenting on it is a whole other story. Basically this is the social network version of It’s not you, it’s me”.
THE HIGH-BROWER
The High-Brower finally buckled under all the peer pressure and joined FB but wants you to know she’s still too good for it. That’s why you’ll never hear about her tropical vacation or find out whether she’s planning on watching the new Melrose Place. And the fact that she’s traded Hemingway for Yoville? She’s planning on keeping it her dirty little secret.
THE “PRIVACY PLEASE” FRIEND
Unlike attention whores like myself, she’s content with keeping her networks, political views and Farmville scores a secret. But I find myself wondering which five cities she’s lived in and what her Saved By The Bell quiz results were. (Lisa Turtle, in case you were wondering…) And btw, this is also the same person who has 25 friends because she only wants to “friend” people she’s actually “friends” with. Um, I didn’t even know that was an option. What a concept!
THE FUGITIVE
Why are you on Facebook if you are trying to HIDE? I can understand an occasional block of a crazy ex-boyfriend or that over-zealous PTA mom, but to lurk around in cyberspace while no one can see you is creepy. And was high school so bad you won’t even put your graduating year? Come on! Even I got over my huge hair and penchant for spandex pants. Show yourself already!
Xoxo, Liz
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At times I’ve been each of these…. well, maybe not the last as I think I might just show too much. Are people sick of my injury posts yet I wonder?! Let’s hope the “Fugitives” will show themselves at his/her high school reunion? Maybe they are waiting for the big reveal to be LIVE.
At times I’ve been each of these…. well, maybe not the last one. Are people sick of my injury posts yet I wonder?! Let’s hope the “Fugitives” will show themselves at their high school reunions? Maybe they are waiting for their big reveal to be LIVE.
Michelle, Ha! How do you think I feel? People probably want to kill me very Mon/Wed when we launch a new blog! But yes, I’ve heard people say they prefer their friendships to be “live”. For me, I’m just too damn impatient to wait another ten years to see if my ex from high school lost all his hair! xoxo
Love it! I think I’m a bit of all of them. I hate getting friend requests from high school people I have no desire to talk to. Once I’ve done my peeking into their lives, I want nothing to do with them. More importantly, I don’t want them peeking at me! That creeps me out the most. I love all your updates! I just don’t comment on everything cuz that feels weird too. I “know” someone, who shall remain nameless that responds to EVERYTHING a certain friend posts….within minutes. Feels stalkerish! So I try to keep my responses dialed back for fear of being in the same class
Oh, and I’ve just discovered the ridiculous fun of Farmville …. *blush*
Oh Thea, you can go all “Single White Female” on me anytime! And Farmville? Say it ain’t so sista!
Liz–I know so many FUGITIVES!!! In fact, I posted the link to this blog post on the page of a FB friend who MAJUHLY fits this bill. We’ll see if he comes forward and identifies himself!!! xo
Thea–farmville? Really? You must explain!
Ok-this one hit home. I think I fall in all but one category. I succombed to peer pressure, I’m sending this note from my blackberry while reading Omagazine,watching football (without hubby), and I’m a bit freaked about an X and a frenemy finding me on FB. I have gifts, drinks, and all sorts of stuff in my FB account-most of which I either don’t know what to do with. I’m also not sure what to do when someone “pokes” me.Seems a bit obscene.
My tweens want me to start a farm and if I give them my password they promise to care for it for me…yeah like I’d ever give them my password.
I can’t take the pressure of the updates. How to make work sound witty and inviting, interesting and fun?
So until I think of something clever to say on the update, I will remain mute on FB.
Lara,
Yes, I would agree that you are a combo of all. But first off, Don’t even THINK of letting those girls play Farmville. And second, I think you have many witty status updates in ya, they are just waiting to come out! xoxo, Liz
Very funny and very true.
P.S. Thought of you today when I watched Oprah, chuckling about your girl crush on Brunette Fergie
Anita–yes, total girl crush on Fergie. I still have to watch that episode. Heard it was great.
And what about cyberspace lurkers that just read your blog and never comment?
That’s a whole other blog in itself! =) But we know you guys are out there. Thanks for coming out of the cyber “closet”!
Or they are they shy and socially awkward type that is just as petrified of making a faux pas online as they are in reality
Well that’s me, I dial back on my FB responses because I honestly almost ALWAYS feel like I have foot in mouth syndrome when I comment or message. I do like the “like” button on status’ it does allow me to participate more without feeling like such an idiot.
However the pictures etc, thats pure laziness I haven’t taken a picture in over a year. I am a total facebook mooch, there are pictures of me on FB but not because I’ve put them there.
As for the Apps they overwhelm me, so I sort of just ignore them. I’ve been told Farmville is addictive and to stay far away from it. ~L~
Kayte, Yes, I’ve had people tell me the same thing about over-thinking responses on Facebook and even on this blog! But, as someone who often puts their foot in their mouth on FB AND in real life, I say just go for it! Your “friends” will understand! xoxo
PS Please just say No to Farmville!