I was checking out at my new Tarjay the other day when the salesgirl asked for my ID. (Woo hoo! *Does cheerleading kicks and hurdles inside her head*) But as great as that feeling was, that’s unfortunately not my story. (I must also begrudgingly note that after doing ridonculous mental cheerleading routine, I spotted a sign that read: Card anyone who looks under the age of FORTY). But I digress.
My story actually goes a little something like this:
Me: With overly excited expression plastered on face, hands salesgirl ID. Tries to calculate just how young she might think I am. Simultaneously decides that I need to get a f***ing life.
Salesgirl: Looks at driver’s license and face lights up. “California? Oh! You must be VIS-I-TING!”
Me: Looks past salesgirl out the window at the dark, ominous sky and reluctantly sets the record straight. “Um, no.”
Salesgirl: Not skipping a beat as she bags the red wine and the bulk toilet paper.”Well, then what are you doing here?”
Me: Rubs thumb gingerly over the word California as places ID back in wallet. “I just moved here.”
Salesgirl: (Insert confused expression- think Forrest Gump meets George W.) “Why?”
And that’s the million dollar question I’m asked more than any other. Some of my favorite variations are:
“You did WHAAAAT?”
“Um, don’t you think you went the WRONG direction?”
“Did you miss a turn somewhere?”
“What bet did you lose?”
But most commonly, It all boils down to that one-syllable, unmistakable word.
WHY?
Well, after fifty-one days, 18 hours and 22 minutes, (but who’s counting?) my “shmove” has ever-so-slowly become more of a “move” and threatened to catapult me to an official resident of The Land of Lincoln. And therefore, I suppose I must explain. So, without further adieu, here are my reasons why:
#1 Life-long desire to give up boring, routine 72 degree weather.
#2 Long walks on the beach really are so cliche’!
#3 I was getting really tired of having all those championship sports teams around me!
#4 Celebrity sightings at your regular coffee shop can be such a distraction to your daily routine!
#5 Flying four hours to get to Vegas is AWESOME!
#6 Off! mosquito repellent has new, fantastic scents! Who needs Burberry Brit when you can wear Tropical Breeze!
#7 When you wish as hard as I did for a MAN IN MY BED, when you finally get him, you’ll damn near follow him anywhere!
xoxo, Lisa
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Ah, that’s gotta be love! Good for you! Who needs sunshine anyway?
Don’t forget that you don’t have to pay for a gym membership all year long because you get to shovel snow for 4 months! Welcome schm-ome, dear
Leanne–yup, what else would make me crazy enough to leave fabulous Cali!?
My darling fiancee’, I’m not sure if you’ve read the clause in our marraige-to-be contract that explicitly states I do not shovel anything snow related (includes ice on windshields, etc…). I’m hoping you didn’t propose on the condition that I would because, if that’s the case, we’re going to become eskimos– living under a mound of snow 6 months out of the year. I’m a snow bunny, but not that kind!
xoxo
Hmmmm….I don’t recall reading that but if you snuck into the fineprint I guess I’m screwed. I’ll acquiesce if you are willing to have warm coffee (whiskey optional) waiting for me when I come in from the cold!
(wimp)
Matt– I can have something even better than that waiting for you
OK, can I just tell you two (Matt and Lisa) to take it indoors for Pete’s sake!
But other than that, I want to say two things:
1. Remember in Planes, Trains and Automobiles when they’re driving on the freeway into oncoming traffic and a man yells from the other side, “YOU’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!”? That’s what’s going through my head right now about your move east. But I also no longer live in Cali, so I can completely empathize.
2. Love the list!
Lisa,
I’m of the opinion that you got off easy. I think you would have moved to Indonesia if you found your dream man there! So Chitown? Not so bad. And Matt is definitely worth it! You guys are perfect for each other. xoxo
Jenny–Ha! Love that movie! Thanks for your comments! xo
Liz, you’re right. I was sooo at the point where it was NOT going to be about geography. It was going to be about a lot of other really important things like dimples and height and a full head of hair!
xoxo
I hope to see a video posted of you two making snow angels this winter! xoxoxo
Catherine–snow angels are one thing, shoveling snow is another. I would be open to an angel or two
xoxo
You forgot to mention another benefit of getting out of Cali… you are now the thinnest person around! Also, most people in the Midwest are actually able to show emotion on their faces! I am tired of the Botox blank stare and the creepy wide mouth Restilane (sp?) look on women around here.
Love this. It’s very sweet and funny. But you know what? I moved to L.A. from NY and I MISS–the humor, the sarcasm, even the weather. It’s 105 in the Valley and I would love a little chill in the air, red, orange and gold leaves and sweaters!
Irene–The Valley is HOT! Wow. Didn’t realize you lived there. Although, you can still hop in the car and you’re at the beach in no time! If it makes you feel any better, we’re already wearing sweaters out here. It’s 60 today.
Wait, Tarjey sells RED WINE? That’s reason enough to move there. The ones here don’t sell alcohol. They don’t card me, either!
Sarah–Um, YEAHHHH! White too!!!
xoxo
Awww….#7 is my fave!
Amy– mine too!