We swear we never hung out here!
We knew we needed to get crackin’ on finishing our second book and let’s just say that it’s been incredibly challenging to stay on track when you throw in distractions like wedding planning, shmoving and day jobs into the mix. So, we did what any self-respecting writers who feared the public humiliation of not meeting their December deadline would do. We planned a weekend away from all those distractions! 48 hours where we’d bury our noses in our laptops and barely come up for food or water. Lisa had set a lofty word count goal of 25,000 and was ready to do just about anything to ensure we hit it . (Don’t worry, we did!)
Knowing that Liz is a self-professed hotel snob, (Let’s just say if the sheets are less than 500 thread count she’s outta there!) Lisa saddled her with the task of booking somewhere nice and quiet for what they decided to call their writer’s retreat.
Well at least she got the nice part right.
When we pulled up to The Parker Palm Springs, Lisa, an obsessive Bravo reality TV show junkie (is there anything better than The Real Housewives of Whatever or Top Chef ?) exclaimed, “This is where they shot that reality show!”
“Oh yeah,” Liz replied. “That’s right… Well, I’m sure it will still be low key.”
When we walked through the jumbo double orange doors and walked inside, it looked like 1975 threw up all over it (in the retro chic-est “anti-Brady Bunch” kind of way). And when we approached the front desk, Lisa almost peed her pants when Oscar, who starred in the reality show, greeted them.
As they crossed the beautiful grounds and caught a glimpse of all the sexy people lounging pool side that they were sure had to be famous, Liz looked at Lisa and pleaded, “I brought my suit. Maybe we could take a quick dip?”
Lisa, definitely in the role of drill sargent for the weekend, turned to Liz and said, “Sorry, we have a deal, absolutely no distractions!” Then, seeing the pained expression on Liz’s face, added, “But if you write 5,000 words by lunch, I’ll let you take five minutes and spy on that wedding I know you want to crash later!“
Well, we may have hit our word count goal (yeah! ) but admittedly, there were distractions all around us that even the drill sargent couldn’t resist!
Beware of hot men with accents Hey, they might have been wearing tight peach pants and were barely understandable as they talked about the boys club they were going to hit later, but we chose to ignore those minor details because, they were muy caliente! And when Liz suggested we go write by the lobby, Lisa suspected she had an ulterior motive but she said yes anyway. Let’s just say hot men + romantic accents = majuh writing inspiration!
Lisa will never know I'm secretly on Facebook!
Free wireless isn’t always an advantage Between Liz’s secret status updates to Lisa’s search for long lost loves (she found one!), it was very easy to get distracted from the task at hand!
Don’t book the boom boom room When Oscar was telling us about our suite, we heard the part about the beautiful view of the valley. I guess we weren’t paying attention when he told us the that from our vantage point, there would be not one, but two weddings going on each night. Hey, maybe our room did physically thump all night, but at least Lisa got her entire wedding playlist handled. A big thank you to whatever DJ was in love with Bell Biv Devoe, Rob Base and Kriss Kross.
Poor Mac Macbook
Make sure Mac Macbook is up for the trip. Um, so maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to take a laptop on its last gigabyte to a writing retreat. And next time Mac begs her to take him to the Genius bar, she promises she’ll listen. We’d like to take a moment to say thanks so much to the front desk staff that didn’t bat an eye (or fear we were about to commit a crime) when we asked for duct tape and a knife. Way to keep your hospitality game faces on guys!
Bring your dancing shoes It’s always good to be prepared. You never know when a 100K wedding will be going on, just begging you to crash it and grab a Grey Goose at the bar and chat up the Best Man. No one ever remembers their third cousin’s name, right? But considering the fact that the dressiest thing we brought was a taco sauce stained juicy sweat suit, we decided that maybe we should pass.
Makes sure you tip your Bell Boy Tank of gas to get to Palm Springs: $65. Two large pots of coffee to stay awake via room service: $30 Look on Liz & Lisa’s faces when they arrived back in Long Beach and realized THEIR LUGGAGE WAS STILL AT THE PARKER: Priceless!
And the fact that Liz’s husband jumped in the car and drove four hours roundtrip to retrieve Liz’s makeup and Lisa’s Snuggie: Worth a million dollars! Thanks MF! We hope the combo burrito and chocolate shake we drove a quarter of a mile to get for you made your TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILE drive WAS worth it! Xoxo
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Okay, I’m SCREAMING with laughter over the two of you, bleary-eyed and drooling over hot men, asking the hotel clerk for duct tape and a knife. C’mon, it’s obvious you were going to take one of those men as a hostage!
But Liz, you have a better guy at home… driving that far for luggage? He’s a keeper.
Sarah– First, loved your Halloween post over at Debutante Ball today! Made me excited for this Saturday! We really did have to resist a lot of temptations but in the end we prevailed!! (We don’t need to mention how much Liz hated on me when I forced us to get up at 6:00 a.m. on Sunday after working into the wee hours the night before!) And, really, Liz’s man, MF, is an amazing guy! xoxo
Too funny! I’m glad you were able to get some writing done with all of the distractions. Best of luck with the book. I’m still giggling over you having to ask the front desk for duct tape and a knife.
I’m glad you got your luggage back too.
Sharla–thanks so much. Even as we were asking for the “supplies” we remarked to the woman at the front desk to please not think we were about to commit a crime. She just smiled. I’m sure she’s seen it all (hopefully short of crimes, of course) xo
Sarah, I know! He really is that sweet! xoxo
Lisa,
I do want to go on record and say I did officially hate you when the alarm went off at 6am. But only until that hot pot of coffee arrived.
Liz–I know. I just ignored you until you’d finished your first cup!
Do you really own a Snuggie!?
Melissa,
YES she does and I still am having a hard time accepting it!
Absolutely hysterical, can’t believe I missed this post!!! Loved it for so many reasons. The first is that I am a self proclaimed hotel snob as well Liz (could be because Hospitality Mgmt. was my college major). Long story short, when Darton and I arrived in our hotel in NY two weekends ago it smelled like moth balls (yuck!). I held in my disappointment and said it was a nice room but when he ran downstairs to pick some thing up I called my mom and cried like a baby. She made me laugh in the end pointing out that all those years of staying in suites at the Hyatt (upgrades from working there) had jaded my standards. Is it so much to ask that my clothes not smell like my grandma’s closet (sorry Grandma, love ya).
Okay, secondly I LOVED that show on Bravo about The Parker. I’m so jealous you got to stay there, what an awesome location for inspiration, that show was always a trip to watch (that place is cracked!!).
That was super cool of my brother to go and get your bags. Must say I’m not surprised considering the venue (was the valet drinking a cocktail around the corner?).
Congrats on reaching your goal of 25k words
Jenny–Thanks! We’re very excited about the 25k. Re: The Parker. Can you believe Liz had never seen it? I don’t think there’s a reality show I haven’t seen! (especially on Bravo!) xoxo
PS: I would’ve cried too!
Jenny, i knew there was a reason we hit it off from the beginning…hotel snobs can spot each other from a mile away! And yes, your brother has officially secured his place as “Husband of the Year”.
And you should stay at The Parker for a night or two next time your down this way, you and Big D would LOVE it.
And yes, we were inspired even though Sgt. Lisa barely let us leave the room!
xoxo
As always this is a priceless post….you definitely will be able to write a book like Stephen King’s “On Writing” as you have so many pearls of wisdom to share for all the inspiring writers out there….it appears you almost had a SK moment with duct tape knife incident..How is MAC doing??..I saw 3 or 4 of the Parker House reality show and loved Oscar!! How fun was that!!
Mom, LOVED the Parker House. It was so much fun. And pretty surreal to be there
And if we can ever truly get to the “On Writing” phase of our lives, I’ll be sure to include “our kind of writing tips” for sure!! xoxo