The girl who preferred the cameraman.
That crazy bitch from Anaheim.
The hawt non-kissing nanny.
Bachelor, I can’t quit you.
Since that faithful day back in March of 2002, The Bachelor had me at Will you accept this rose? Feminism be damned, I ate up every moment of this newest reality trainwreck. And when Trista burst onto the scene in all her post-cheerleading glory, I was cheering at my TV screen as she and sensitive firefighter Ryan (Does anyone else remember those pictures he used to draw for her?) tied the knot while dozens of helicopters circled their ceremony. And I think I might have been the only one that watched that lame ass special about their (incredibly boring!) bachelor and bachelorette parties.
I drooled over winemaker Andrew Firestone (still my all-time fave!) and chuckled with funny guy turned kissing bandit Bob Guiney. I crossed my fingers that older bachelor Byron would choose one of the Cougars rather than one of the twenty-somethings brought in to create drama and even held my breath as super boring Bachelorette Meredith gave her final rose to Ian. I was officially a Bachelor junkie.
However, my interest started to dwindle around season seven. I wasn’t quite sure if it was due to the recent birth of my first child or Charlie O’Connell’s overall lameness. But either way, I fell off the wagon for a few years, leaving diehard fans like Lisa to fend for themselves on Mondays nights. (Sorry about that!) I just couldn’t sign off on that fake prince, the football player or the guy with the accent. To my husband’s delight, I declared I was done with The Bachelor forever.
But then came single dad and complete DOUCHEBAG Jason Mesnick. I was drawn in all over again, fascinated why an attractive man with a young child would choose such a path to meet their soulmate. How in the world his ex could have ever signed off on such a thing. I was so pissed that I even put it on my official “If I Go-Go this is a No-No” list. But even in all my righteousness, I recognized damn good TV when I saw it. And I think we can all agree that, for once, Chris Harrison wasn’t exaggerating when he stated that it was going to be THE MOST DRAMATIC AFTER THE FINAL ROSE CEREMONY EVER.
So I was back. The next season, I found myself screaming at my TV every time Jillian gave hot two-timing asshole Wes a rose and stifling a giggle as Jake cried over the balcony in his high-waisted pants. It was too good not to blog about.
I’ll be honest- I wasn’t thrilled when I heard that the producers had chosen Jake, the previously mentioned high-waisted pants wearing crybaby. I had been hoping for Reid, who I had harbored a secret crush on the previous season. So I was pleasantly surprised as Jake was introduced to all the new girls moving into what I like to now call “Crazytown”.
But what surprised me the most wasn’t the fact that they cast someone like Michelle from Anaheim, who seems clearly unbalanced, but that Jake wasn’t the complete snoozefest I’d thought he’d be. It was what kept me coming back for more, despite that RIDICULOUS amount of flying puns during the first cocktail party. And must we even bring up the “On the Wings of Love” flying montage? *Gag*
Despite that, he earned my respect (the term “respect” being used loosely here) by kicking that nut Michelle to the curb immediately after she demanded to kiss him and then deemed it unworthy when no tongue was involved. And I couldn’t have been happier than when he called that Mary Poppins wannabe Elizabeth out on her cock-teasing and then sent her packing.
And as I anxiously await the knowledge of which two women will be shamed when their precious roses are thrown in the fire and to witness the next Ali/Vienna catfight, I realize that I’ve reached an all-new low in my reality TV watching. (Well, unless you count that Jersey Shore marathon when I was sick.) But I don’t care. I’m proud to say you’ll find me sitting in front of my television each Monday at 8pm. You know you want to join me!
xoxo, Liz
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Liz, you did leave me high and dry on Mondays. In fact, I think I can remember a few judgmental comments wondering why I was still watching. Yes, the show suffered for a few seasons right around Charlie (BORE-ING) but I hung in there anyway. It was just sooo BAD it was good. But I’m happy you’re with us now to take in all its glory–from the props (gloves?!) to the dramatic exits (I’m going to kick you off this train b/c we’re just not compatible) to the plastic surgery (are anyone’s real anymore?)it’s all just too delicious. Although I must say that as DOUBLE BORE-ING as Mr. Dad Jeans wearing Jake is, I feel bad that he does not have a good crop. It’s getting harder and harder to find women who want to find their soulmate and not an acting career.
Great post!
xoxo
I have recently rekindled my love of the Bachelor. I am never a fan of the Bachlorette. Perhaps I am sexist, but a pool of desperate women provides way more drama and, therefore, a much more enjoyable ride on the crazy train. I really like Jake, although he is clearly too easily manipulated by the Bachelor producers, who obviously subscribe to the “the most cheese the better” school of thought [cue: "One the Wings of Love" for the bazillionth time]. I’ll be tuning in as well tonight.
My pics for the final 3: Ali (although her self-righteous attitude is grating…and who made her ‘house mom’ anyway?), Tenly (provided she does not pull that dancing on the beach stuff again…or the on-stage contortionist act…ugh!) and Gia (at first, she really bugged me, but she seems pretty normal, well…as normal as these women can be while ‘competing’ on national tv for the ‘heart’ of a man they don’t know). Sidenote: Corrie could be my BFF. I think she’d eat Jake alive but she’s witty and down-to-earth and that whole “Do you like Kissimmee” introduction was pretty clever. Enjoy!
Tiernan, you’re right that the Bachelor is better than the Bachelorette. But I’ve remained faithful to both shows….as hard as it sometimes is!
The producers are definitely guiding him…and dressing him up. My personal favorite was when they put a bomber jacket on him and aviators and had him sling his jacket over his shoulder like he was Tom Cruise in Top Gun. *gag* As far as your final three are concerned, I read a spoiler report and all I have to say is that I hope it was WRONG. xo
Lisa, I know. I really got up on my high horse during my Bachelor hiatus. But you have to admit that it was a slippery slope there for awhile…But aren’t you happy I’m back? xo
Tiernan,
Like you, Gia is growing on me. And I liked Ali a lot before she started getting all girl fightclub on me. Vienna bugs me too, but does Ali have to be up in her face every damn minute? And yes, I like Corrie too!
I am ashamed to say that when this is on our TV it is hard to look away. Please don’t tell my friends.
Signed,
Closet Bachelor Watcher
Dear husband, um, I mean, “Closeted Bachelor Watcher”,
I have seen you secretly watching The Bachelor each Monday as you try to pretend that you’re doing something else. In fact, I think you were more pissed at Wes than I was last season! (Which, btw, made me love you even more…) Thanks for always putting up with my trashy TV taste. You’re the best!
xoxoxoxoxo
Why?? The premise of the show seems so unnatural and screwed up unless you get off on dating a bunch of women at once and using them emotionally and otherwise then dumping them at random intervals. I mean a guy can live off that if he has no feelings but there is nothing remotely sensitive or romantic in the process just BS and the need to think mainly of ME in terms of who they are gonna pick.
I guess self centered guys who run around looking out for themselves and who could care less about all the women they go through are alright as long as our line of BS is way above average and in some cases professionally scripted.
Now if I was shopping for women and happen to fall head over heels in love with a new car, now that is Romance. Something fast and Italian
Chesey, I hear ya. But, I think that the fact they are self-centered and clearly scripted(among many other things) is part of what makes it fun. Because really, is there any other reason to spend an hour watching these people? Like many others, I’m just a gal looking for little escapism each Monday.=)
And I couldn’t agree more about the car! Sounds like a great idea for a reality show…
xo
For the love of all that’s Holy!!! THAT was painful to watch. Why do we do it to ourselves, ladies?!??! BTW, my husband is a peripheral-vision-watching Bachelor fan as well.
Tiernan, OMG! I literally feel dumber after watching. Did you hear the Debbie Gibson reference? “I get lost in your eyes?” Dude!
Great Taste Liz! I fully agree and voted for REID as the next bachelor. LOL on the “high-waist-pant” Jake, they look like pants my grandfather used to wear
To be honest, The BACHELOR show was a cheezy FAILURE for the most part. The 1st guy was a total JERK who just wanted to be famous. I saw the 2nd. season which was pretty good, but everything after that was just trash. Every bachelor seem so FAKE to me, most are there for publicity stun. I dismiss the show completely.
But DIANA’S dismissal of Jason Mesnic caught my eye. A role reversal: a guy was dumped because he had a kid from previous marriage, usually its the women with a kid that got dumped. The lame-ass Jason-Melissa-Molly triangle keep the show fascinating. Naturally I was hooked into watch Jillian the Bachelorette.
Jillian makes all the WRONG MISTAKE – I keep screaming as she eliminate all the honest genuine guys and keep falling for pretty boys. Some women never learned and never grow up. I’m not surprised Jillian end up with a 3x timer cheating ED…(really lose that nasty green Man-ki-ni). I predict ED-Jillian marriage will not happen or will not last. I also don’t think Jason+Molly will tied the knot. After 1-2years, you either want to married the girl or not. No point in making excuses. Jason, married or move on already.
Jake is a boring choice, but he seem genuine in wanting a wife instead of being famous like others before him. So far, the show still have me hook.
Finally to Diana, thank you for making the show interesting for me.
I’ve been watching on and off and my husband got sucked in for a few minutes last night and we couldn’t help cracking up as Jake threw the rose on the fire (so melodramatic and brooding!) I swear, there are like 12 lines of dialogue that I’ve heard every show… “I’m here looking for a wife!” “We’ve got an amazing connection.”
Was having a very shitty day…you know the day that women have for no reason; and went for my quick fix. Your Blog
LOVE IT.
i CANNOT believe he kept Vienna.
I wish I had the balls to sign up to be on the next bachelor..I’d raise some hell.
ps..now i’m going to search the web for my horoscope; the horoscope that I deem acceptable and positive and exactly what I want to hear.
Peter, I totally agree! And I can’t believe I forgot to mention Ed’s Mankini! What was I thinking!!!!
Sarah, if I heard Jake say the words, amazing, incredible, gorgeous or beautiful ONE MORE TIME I just might have to take another hiatus. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m so hooked to this mindless, staged debacle!
Thanks Jackie! xo
DUDE, Vienna is so wrong. But I think he likes her. Really really likes her. And has anyone put it out there that Jake has a thing for blondes? He has sent every brown-haired beyotch home at this point.
And, YES! please please please go on next season. I promise to write nice things about you here! =)