Happy Monday y’all!
To celebrate Mommy Monday, we’re giving away two copies of KEEP YOUR SKIRT ON by Starshine Roshell. It’s a smart, sassy collection of her kicky columns with legs for GenX Moms everywhere that will have you LOLing. Just leave a comment to enter!
Considering the fact that I had to squeeze time in to write this post in between softball games, swimming lessons and soccer signups, I’d thought that today we’d discuss why the hell we overschedule our children(and ourselves) to death.
Now, before we go any further, let me just say that I’m a huge part of the problem. I find myself in a constant frenzy, not only trying to figure out when and where to sign up for all this shit, but how to find time to get them there. (Btw, Coach Steve, 1:30pm weekday practices are NOT convenient. Doesn’t anyone have a J-O-B around here?)
I’m almost embarrassed to admit to the meltdown I had two weeks ago when my daughter’s softball league was up in the air due to a lack of sign-ups. I literally thought to myself, Great! She’ll NEVER make it in softball now. I envisioned her blaming me for years to come whenever the subject came up. That I was sentencing her to a lifetime of inadequacy on the softball field. Oh, did I mention that she’s barely FIVE YEARS OLD?
And it doesn’t help that sometimes our well-meaning Mom friends make us feel as if we just stepped up on stage to pick up the Lamest Parent of the Year award.
Geez. That’s too bad. Because you really should have her out on the field by five.
That’s okay. She can still play for fun!
And you missed AYSO signups too? (insert silent judgement here)
It seems that often we are so obsessed about giving our child every advantage, or to righting every percieved wrong from our childhood, that it can be pretty damn easy to lose perspective. I’m sure I’m not the only mom who’s stomach churns when she realized that her friend’s children are swimming like Michael Phelps while her little rugrats are still hanging on to their floaties for dear life. Or when she saw the adorable photos of her niece’s dance recital on Facebook and second guessed her decision to sign her little princess up for soccer instead, secretly wondering if she’s doomed her to tomboy status her entire childhood.
And just for the record, I don’t know what the answers are. I’m down here with you in the trenches, trying to figure out how to find the balance between active and overscheduled kids. I’m just saying that the next time your Mommy friend calls you up in a panic that little Johnny is never going to make it in the big leagues because she missed his tee-ball sign ups, just remind her gently that she’s losing her damn mind. And then help her put things in perspective. She’ll love you for it, I promise.
xoxo, Liz
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We totally overscheduled our oldest because we thought we were supposed to do everything! She’s 10 now and has finally picked 3 activities that she likes. My 7 year old daughter only likes Girl Scouts and cheerleading. I am starting to have guilty feelings that my almost 5 year old daughter hasn’t gotten to do much at all because she got lost in the daily shuffle when her older sisters were already in activites and her little brother was born. Now that he is 3 maybe we will get them both in some activities for the spring and summer. How many directions can we go at once for the “good of our children”?!
Carolyn, I know! It’s so hard to find that balance, I always worry that if I don’t expose her to everything, that she won’t find that one thing that she’s really great at. So stressful! =)
lol I’m not a mommy yet but from all these classes, you will be okay!! plus just do what she wants even if it’s not dance lesson, that way if she’s doom to tomboy, she was the one who choose the extra activities =) and you can always put out that option, “you don’t have to do extra activities / sports” that way if she choose not to do one you wont have to feel to bad about sign ups! =)
LOL! I’m Glad there is someone else who is also traveling along this wild ride of mommy-hood vs. activities chaos. I’ve narrowed my oldest, 5 mind you, down to 1 sport at a time. Though Basketball did overlap with soccer one week and I had to figure out how to get him to both activities and make time for homework, but that happened just once, right?!
My latest headache isn’t signups or scheduling homework time, it is figuring out how I’m going to get TWO boys to to TWO different places to participate in TWO different sports?! I’m just 1 mom with 1 car!
Michelle, Whew! I’m getting tired just thinking of it all! Good luck! Maybe we can figure out a way to clone ourselves? =)
Ying, You are right…andI’m sure you could guess which one Riley will choose… xoxo
Liz – And really, the question we are asking ourselves is when is too much, too much. I have an active boy, who loves to make friends – he even made friends with a little boy at the LA Zoo who is in every picture we took that day, so sports and outside activities are good for him. But one at a time is my limit, more then that and I don’t have time to do the “other” stuff that makes our lives go, i.e. grocery shopping. So in the end, we have to take some of our parenting ques from our kids. It’s a learning experience for everyone. Best of Luck to all!
I think the fact that people are getting their kids involved at all is a step ahead of a lot of parents. We all just have to remember that our kids will figure out what they like eventually and will all turn out just fine no matter what age they start. There will always be people trying to “have it all” and those people will burn themselves out. Do what is comfortable for you and your kids. This is a great topic for debate and you did a great job bringing humor to it as well. Not every kid is going to swim like Michael Phelps and don’t worry, you are not even close to winning the “Lamest Parent of the Year Award”!
Okay Liz, I totally understand and I am guilty of all of the above. In fact, I just called Jeff and told him he had to coach our 4 year old twins soccer so we could get all our friends kids on our team. Even though Jeff said he has to work and travel I told him he needed to find a way to make it work. And your right, we wonder if any dads work in Anaheim Hills. Not only do all the dads make early soccer and baseball practice but they also find some time to go to all the holiday parties and awards ceremonies at the school too. It is hard to keep. I, too, worry about putting Madison in BMX bike racing when she could be doing dancing or cheer. Will my one daughter be tom boy and not want to wear a dress to prom if I keep her in BMX??? Yet, Jeff tells me it is good for her self esteem and it is something that all four of our kids can do together. I am just glad there are other people out there with these same thoughts.
So true. It’s so hard to stop comparing and blaming ourselves.
I’m so glad I am not the only mommy out there who overschedules lol. And yes when I miss softball and soccer sign ups I feel utterly guilty. Some of the times that they make these practices for slay me. It’s like they don’t realize that we have to get home from work, get the kids fed etc. Do they really expect the kids to want to practice or play on an empty stomach? Practice nights usually end up being go out and eat crap food nights lol. Tonight is dance night, tuesdays are softball, wednesdays soccer and on it goes….lol it’s nuts!
Mike, Thanks hubs. And to think, this is just the beginning! xoxoxoxo
Laurie, I know, right? I was starting to sweat just listening to all the things people volunteer to do at opening day. How do they find the time? I was happy that I got her there on time with the right socks on and remembered my camera! I guess we all worry that the decisions that we make now could adversely affect them later. And for the record, I think BMX racing for a girl is AWESOME! xo
JenP,
Ahhh, yes, the guilt. Why are we all so hard on ourselves?
Jordana, you are a busy mama! and I know, I was cracking up that they had originally wanted to make our team practice at 1:30pm on Mondays. I was like, are you kidding me?
So Brian just came home from work the other day telling me that he & Mike had talked and you all signed Riley up for softball.
Brian: “Um, Riley is playing softball”.
Me: “Great!”.
Brian: “Should our girls be signed up for softball?”.
Me: “No, they are already taking an Art Class & Ballet Class on top of preschool three days a week.”
Brian: “Okay but we are going to sign them up for AYSO in the Fall right?”
Me: “Yes honey”. :-)
Where does this guilt come from??? Being that I stay at home, I am REALLY trying hard NOT to overprogram them b/c I’ll admit, we do have a lot of down time during the week when there isn’t an activity. But honestly, those are the times I enjoy the most with them. And I *think* they enjoy them too knowing they can play all afternoon long and not worry about the next activity, or rushing to get buckled into the car because we are late for practice.
Today for example, one of the girls is running a low grade fever and I have to be honest in saying that I am glad we aren’t rushing off to Ballet in an hour. :)
Kenan, LOL! I totally hear ya, I feel the same way when I see other kids are in gymnastics and dance-GUILTY. And why? Do our kids really have to do EVERYTHING? Is that even healthy for them, or for us as parents? It’s so easy to feel as if we are missing the boat if our kids aren’t experts at something by the time they hit first grade, but the reality is that they don’t know the difference. They just want to have fun. And there’s nothing wrong with a little down time! xoxo
I have been thinking about this topic alot lately. We are thinking about signing Sam up for Karate. This is a 2 day a week program with 1 year commitment. Kids never do anything for a year. So, I am not so sure about this one. I had signed him up for an 8 week basketball class and it was canceled due to lack of participants. He was crushed. He is signed up for baseball which starts in April and soccer should start again next month. Something will most likely have to go. We do have two children and Camryn is just getting to an age where she can participate in things. She just finished a soccer class and is enrolled in swim lessons. She didn’t really care for the soccer so we are just continuing the swim lessons. Thank goodness for one less thing to do. We will probably have to cut it down to one or two activities per child. It just gets to be too much and everyone is crabby. In the end, we all just want the best for children. We want them to be healthly and happy.xoxoxo
We are proud members of the “Floaties” and “Two Left Feet” clubs, Liz.
You are welcome to join. Club meetings are held weekdays at 1:30 pm. :)
So it only gets harder? UGH! My daughter is only 2 and we are totally overbooked. Music class, gymboree, library, art, playdates…etc etc. Part of it is not wanting to be sitting inside the house ALL. WINTER. LONG. and part is wanting her to be around other kids and other people (since I stay home with her) and be social. But its a hard balance between socializing and psychoticness! So its nice to know I am not alone!!! Hopefully there is a balance somewhere…and if you find it make sure you tell us :-}
Lynette, You sound busy! And yes, I totally agree. At the end of the day, we just want them to have fun and be active! xoxo
Casey, I’m SO there! I’ll be the one eating all the rice krispy treats! =)
Erin, it’s such a balancing act, trying to walk that line between being active and being overcommitted. And if i EVUH figure out how to get it just right, you’ll be the first to know! xo
With three kids, it’s just impossible for me to do all the things my kids want. I was constantly running around, taking them places and then waiting…. lots of waiting while they were doing their little things and then they’d be tired and I’d be tired. So…we made a rule: when school is in session, they can only one thing at a time and we also take a break from everything once a year. So, my daughter ditched soccer (she wasn’t aggressive enough anyway) and picked swimming. She takes a break in the Spring (we’re almost there, thank god cause I really don’t want to sit through another swim meet – I’d rather pull my teeth out!) She does piano and horseback riding in the summer in addition to swimming…but once school starts, it’s back to one thing.
CONGRATS TO LYNETTE AND MICHELLE L! YOU’VE JUST EACH WON A COPY OF STARSHINE ROSHELL’S KEEP YOUR SKIRT ON!!!! Thanks to all who entered! xoxo
CLP, That sounds like a great plan! I just may have to steal it from ya…. xo
As a mom of four I totally get this!!!!!
Hello girls! I just wanted to let you and your readers know that I’m giving away free chick-lit books over at my blog, if anyone’s interested!
http://pinknic-uk.blogspot.com
Recvd the book today. Can’t wait to read it on my Girl’s weekend in Big Bear in TWO weeks!!! Thanks!
Pinknic, How fun!!! Everyone should head over to check it out! xo
Liz, we were all swirled up in the overscheduling with our first and then got some really good advice from our eldests’ Montessori teacher. She said that kids learn best and are most creative and centered when they have downtime because they have to come up with their own stuff to do and they need that chill time. She also said there are a lot of kids whose parents started them in sports from the womb and now they’re too burned out and don’t go on after high school or have a life long joy of the sport because of it. It was based off a TIME magazine article and said beyond school just choose one activity for them. We met a couple recently on vacation who wouldn’t let their daughter play soccer until she was in 4th grade and every year she’d ask and they’d say, “nope, not until 4th grade.” Well, when she got to 4th grade she was so pumped and excited there was no dragging her to stuff—another by product of overscheduling.
Julie, I think you make a great point! I think that we just let the pressure of other parents get to us. But I totally agree, waiting would be a fantastic idea! thanks for a great comment! xoxo