I’ve always fancied myself a matchmaker. Which is probably why I declared my love for The Millionaire Matchmaker in last week’s Watch this, not That and why I am loving Marla Martenson’s new memoir DIARY OF A BEVERLY HILLS MATCHMAKER, a hilarious look at her days as a real-life L.A. matchmaker. Want a chance to win your own copy? Just leave a comment about your own dating experiences and you’ll be entered to win!
Back in the day, I’d set singles up with abandon. In fact, I think I set up one of my guy friends so much that he ended up dating just about every single girl I knew with in a thirty-mile radius. Good for him, bad for my parties. *cue awkward situation*
Truth be told, not one of my matches ever worked out. My superior sales skills would bring them each to the table, (She’s so smart! He loves his mother!) but it never quite clicked. Most crashed and burned pretty quickly, with me standing in the middle. And that’s the thing- a true matchmaker probably holds the secret how to put two people you care about together without getting involved with the fallout when it fails. Because, let’s admit it, most of them do. But when it works out, you get all the glory…
Did I mention that Lisa and her hubby were setup? They were so happy about it that they even made a special toast to the couple who brought them together at the rehearsal dinner! And yes, I was secretly jealous. Because I had also tried my hand at setting her up over the years unsuccessfully. But considering her matchmaker has at least five marriages under her setup belt, there was no way I could compete. This woman has a gift. And after fifteen years of trying, I’m willing to publicly admit that I was a sucky setter-upper.
But good or bad, it’s always a good story-here are some of my personal faves:
1. Slammed into the back of a hottie driving a BMW on the 405 freeway. (sorry about the bumper!) Too cute to let him get away but already married, boldly asked him if he was single and gave him Lisa’s email address. Yep, right there on the side of the road. He turned out to be a total douche bag. But still, I think I deserve an A for effort. Right, Lisa?
2. During an impromptu post break-up trip to Las Vegas, pushed Lisa off on a Teva-with-socks wearing Midwesterner at Coyote Ugly in an attempt to make her feel better. Should I even mention the irony when we discovered later that his last name was ROTTEN? Widely considered my rock bottom as matchmaker. Lesson learned: Don’t EVUH set someone up while in Vegas. There’s a reason what happens in Vegas stays there.
3.One of my BFs said she had a mailman that I just had to meet. I was skeptical but curious.(I had never gone government before!) But when we accidentally bumped into his hot swing dance partner on our first date, I knew it wasn’t a love connection. Let’s just say I wish my friend had led with “swing-dancing mailman”. It would have saved us all a lot of time.
4. Things were going well with the hot district attorney that my roommate set me up with. Until I made a drunken argument for why, as children, we were allowed to skip but not run on the playground. Because, really, wasn’t skipping faster? In my defense, I was one fast-ass skipper in my time. After that, our case was dismissed.
Tell us your blind date and/or matchmaking story and be entered to win DIARY OF A BEVERLY HILLS MATCHMAKER!
xo, Liz
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I set up two of my friends once. After months of finagling a date/time, my friend Jessica somehow met the man of her dreams the *night* before the set-up, ruining my well-laid plans! Luckily, Jess and Adam (the dream boy) are quite happy now.
!st & only time: I was in college.
1st bad sign? “You’re not the girl from the picture.”
2nd bad sign (& end of date)? “I can’t wait to graduate high school!”
Turns out he was only 16! They hadn’t bothered to ask him his age & assumed he was in college. Although this quickly ended the date, he did make a point of mentioning that he had bought a 100 pack of “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms & a bottle of lube, “just in case”.
Sorry, you can delete my comment. I misread & thought you were asking for stories about being setup. After my own disastrous blind date, I vowed I would never try to set up any of my friends.
Katirra, we want all kinds of stories, setup and matchmaking! your story was Hilarious! Thanks so much for sharing it! xo
Jen, what timing! Isn’t it funny how those things happen? =)
I just went in and changed the last line to include blind dates too. But we’re comment whores. Any comment will enter you to win. We just love to hear from you guys! xo
Liz, you SO deserve an “A” for effort on that Douchebag set up. How could you have known he’d turn out to be a total tool? He was cute, drove a nice car and seemed intelligent. But let’s just say he and I never made it past the email stage. He was just too douche-y for me.
And as far as “Rotten” is concerned. I’m not sure I can blame that one ENTIRELY on you. I believe there were a lot of martinis involved… And surely that made “ROTTEN” look a little more RIPE.
I just thank you for trying. There were a lot of years there that I know we all worried–was there a guy out there for me? And thankfully, a true Matchmaker, did find me mine! My suggestion for you–stick to psychology. You’re A LOT better at it!
xoxoxo
xoxo
My only real setup in recent memory came in the summer of ’07 from a local friend of mine. I HAD to meet this hot chick that he went to HS with because she was really cool, but more importantly, super hot. She also was a pastry chef.
Wait…A Single. Hot. Pastry Chef. I’m in.
Alas, no bread was rising that night. After 45 minutes of non-descript banter about why working in the baking industry apparently blows, I feigned a wheat allergy reaction and got the hell out of there.
Lisa, I know. I really WANT to be a good matchmaker, but I suck. I think maybe I was trying too hard? And yes, there was quite a bit of alcohol involved with your ROTTEN experience. And in my defense, I did point out his footwear to you. =)
Matt, one pastry chef’s “sour” dough is another woman’s treasure. So happy there was not a love connection….
Liz, You did point out his footwear. But for some reason, I did not care! I thought he was soooo great UNTIL he started crying during dinner. Rmbr that?
Wow. The flood of nightmarish memories. But one in particular has always stood out. I was a sophomore in college and in a sorority. It was time for our Spring Formal and I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time. So… one of my sorority sisters got the great idea that her date (a Fraternity man) could set me up with one of his Frat borthers. So I agreed, sight unseen. We met when they picked me up at my dorm to go to the formal. He seemed kinda cute and was (thank God !) talled than me so how bad could it be. Right ? Wrong ! He spent the night running around the hotel ballroom ‘collecting’ empty glasses and placing them in a paper bag under our table. He said that they needed them for the Frat house. We never danced and come time for the annual photograph, he was no where to be found. The night finally ended and he hauled his loot out to the car. When we got back to the dorm, I asked him if I could have one of the stemware as a momento and he said NO ! So when he got out of the car first, I grabbed a bottle of vodka that was laying on the floor of the car and smashed it into the bag of glasses, jumped out of the car and ran like hell. He apparently hadn’t heard the glass breaking because he yelled after me that I at least owed him a good-night kiss for going with me !
Mary, thanks for sharing! Agreeing to a set up through a frat boy. Brave! Looks like we’ve all been there!
PS: What a LOSER!
CONGRATS TO MARY AND KATIRRA! You’ve won a copy of Marla Martenson’s DIARY OF A BEVERLY HILLS MATCHMAKER! thanks to all who commented! xoxo
Thanks ! I am looking forward to reading it.