Remember the days you thought 7am was oh-so early?
When you used to spend all day Sunday on the couch watching VH1?
I used to think I knew what being tired felt like-something I could cure by sleeping in until noon the next day or adding an extra shot to my Americano. But then I started having children. And I’ve been tired in some capacity ever since!
And it’s not just me. Everyone around me with kids under five just seem like they would happily curl up into a ball and take a catnap if given the chance. And all the B12 in the world doesn’t seem to make it any better. Believe me, I’ve tried the shot in my ass, the pill and even that new nasal B12. And I’m still f*cking tired!
My now three-year-old didn’t sleep AT ALL the first year and I used to walk around like a zombie, wearing my exhaustion like a badge of honor, daring anyone within fifty feet to try to compete with my tiredness. I quickly discovered that long-term sleep deprivation made me a humorless beyotch with bad skin.
Had to wake up at 6am to make it to Yogalates? Boo F’ing Hoo!
Stayed out too late with the girls and had to recover by watching SATC on TBS for four hours straight the next day? I’m hatin’ on you just a little bit.
Anytime anyone over the age of ten gets to take a daytime nap? Super. Insanely. Jealous.
And even though most nights my munchkins now sleep peacefully, (although sadly WILL NOT sleep past 6am, no matter how late we keep them up) I still find myself tired most of the time. Not the bone-aching, mind-numbing newborn baby tired, but more like a constant feeling like I’d like to stop whatever I’m doing and go lie in bed. Which btw, is a very impractical thought when you’re in the middle of a presentation at work. Or in the middle of a conversation with, well, ANYONE!
And while I recognize that heading out for a jog or spending some time at the gym would help this problem, I just can’t seem to find the time or motivation to drag myself there. The thought of waking up at 4am to go the the gym makes me want to take a free weight and punch the person in the face who suggested it. Or wrap them up in a Pilates mat and roll them down a hill. Or use them as my kickboxing class punching bag.
And don’t even get me started on that research that claims you need to get at least seven and a half hours of sleep each night in order to lose weight. Another strike against any mommy trying desperately to take off those last eight pounds. Clearly a man came up with that sh*t!
So until I reach that promised land where my children are able to wake up and get dressed without parental assistance, I will remain slightly tired at all times. And I’d like to give Lisa a big shout out for enduring MANY early morning bitchface emails from me! Sorry! I should be banned from any forms of communication besides grunting before 7am.
So to all you tired mommies out there, this one’s for you. Let’s band together in our slight everyday crankiness. Tired Mommies Unite!
And for those of you who think this post is kinda bitchy, sorry! I was super tired when I wrote it. =) To make it up to you, I’m giving away a SIGNED copy of Emily Giffin’s latest release, Heart of The Matter. Leave a comment to be entered!
xoxo, Liz
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Love love LOVE Emily Giffin and would also LOVE a nap thank you…..and my kids are 15 yr. and 11 yr!!
So very, very true. Coffee anyone?!
Please enter me . . .
Gina and Michelle, I know, there should be a nap cafe for moms! =)
Elisa, we will. Thanks for the comment! xo
I also experienced that and boy I felt harassed so whenever someone will make conversation with me I’ll be bitchy sometimes. So when I’m tired and annoyed I get bitchy and wanted to go straight to Starbucks to have a moch frappuccino. (Where are you damn Starbucks when I needed You?)I am tired, felt sloppy sometimes, lazy and a damn bitch. How’s that??
I’m so sorry you’re tired, but I’m laughing like crazy over taking a free weight and punching it in the face of whoever suggested exercising. LOL The Pilates mat is funny too.
Here’s a jumbo XL venti shot of caffeine to help you make it through today. :)
Ella, I hear ya girfrin’. Get your Starbucks STAT! I’m on my way now…. xoxo
When my kids were little, my son didn’t have his own bedroom because his 3 year old sister refused to have “that noisy baby” in her room. He slept in a playpen in the dining room until my husband relinquished his “office.”
Before bedtime, I set out a plate with digestive cookies and a bottle of apple juice. When my daughter rose (usually at 6am) she gave her brother his juice, turned on the TV (pre-tuned to some kiddie channel) and watched TV till I got up an hour or so later.
Looking back, I realize this was probably bad parenting. What if she choked on a cookie? What if the television was set on a violent action channel?
Well, they survived. They’re both in college now, and I’m the first one up in the morning. I savour the peace and quiet.
Wow Liz good for you! Boy do i need that Starbucks frappe now? Would someone send me one, one mocha frappe grande would be good but venti that would be so much better with ham and cheese croissant would be so much better so I’ll have something to munch.
Dont apologize for being bitchy when you wake up….aren’t we all?? I know I am…LOL.
BTW..please enter me for the book, I’d love to have it. Thanx!
~Steph
soklad@hotmail.com
i feel your pain. i have a 3 year old & i’m pregnant. thank God for DH.
Oh girl…I SO hear you. I would like to wench about insane weight gain as a woes attributed to long-term sleep deprivation! Hey, at 2 am, why stop at 2 Krispy Kremes, dammit?! Notice that Jillian Michaels and Bob Greene don’t have kids? Emily Giffin, however…she must have some kind of deal with the underworld worked out–no way one chick should be so skinny, clever AND nice, with kids on the resume. Oh well…I can’t help but love her! Glad I found your blog, girlies!
Sandra, sometimes we gotta do what we have to do to get some sleep!!! xo
Ella, Yum, ham and cheese croissant=heaven!!!
No prob, Stephanie. Thanks for the comment! xo
Daphne, I hear ya girl. Congrats on the pregnancy! xo
Jennifer, I KNOW! I met Emily in person last week at her book signing in Pasadena and couldn’t believe how thin, beautiful and INCREDIBLY funny and nice she was. Anyone who ever has a chance to attend a signing of hers should def. go! She is fantastic and now I have a majuh girl crush on her! xo
Oh, what a hilarious post. Please enter me!
Thanks Jen! xoxo
My child is 10 and I am STILL tired! ;)
I’m always tired in the mornings…and stressed too. I have to cater to the needs of 2 and 4 1/2 year year old boys. They get up too early for their own good in the summer and then they don’t know what to do with themselves.
Anyway, count me in. :)
You read my mind Liz…every word! I am always tired and I know excercise would help, but I look around my house and know I have to get things done here. Then it’s time to feed and clothe the little munchkins. Time to entertain them and start the process all over again. By the time Jason walks in I am looking for a break. All the while feeling guilty for wanting that from him when he has just busted his buns at work all day…somehow I think it is a “different” kind of tired.
Oh no Joan! It doesn’t get any better????
I hear ya Melissa! When will our children realize the beauty of sleeping in?
Thanks Adria! Yours are little like mine and I think it’s just a given-too much to take care of during the day(and night!) But i know you are doing a great job so hang in there! We will sleep again one day….right?
EG is one of my favorites!
Girl, I so remember those days when you don’t think you’ll ever catch up on sleep… wish I could be the bearer of good news, buuuutttt… my crew is 23, 21, 17, 15, and 12 and I am still in that state of perpetual tiredness and many sleepless nights! They still keep you up or cut into your precious sleep time, just for entirely different reasons. Smile! Someday they’ll have child-induced sleeplessness themselves!
Heidi, ha! At least I can bask in the knowledge that there will be payback one day! xo
Oh Liz … your eloquent words say what SO many of us mommies would SO love to say, but just never do!
My little darlings are 8, 6, & 3, and I honestly feel as if I could sleep for at least 3 days solid if the world would just LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I adore being “Mommy” to them & “Honey” to my wonderful guy, but, well … It. Is. Exhausting.
We recently moved, and I am living in my very own cardboard castle. Yesterday, at 2:30 in the afternoon, instead of fastidiously cleaning & unpacking (MORE unpacking!), I tiptoed into my bedroom whilst the little ones were all playing in the playroom, crawled into my bed and lay there … thinking … how horrible of a mother would I be if I just closed my eyes and slept, for just a bit, while my little ones played?? That good old Mommy Guilt made certain not a wink was had, but oh, how rebellious and wild I felt just having thought about doing it!! ; ) Ah, the life of a mommy!
BTW, please add me to your giveaway list, and hey~ cut yourself a break, lady. You are a human being, after all. And we all have some flaws, right?!
LOVE your blog, ladies! xo
Thanks Jules!!! And NO, you would not have been a bad mommy if you had close your eyes. C’mon, you know we can hear everything while we sleep anyway…I can hear my daughter cough even all the way down the hall with both doors closed when I sleep-Mommy radar is strong! Hope you get all unpacked soon and your cardboard castle turns into a real one! xoxo
I loved this post!! I have 4 children (ages 10, 8, 5 and 3) and they keep me hopping! School has been out for 3 weeks now and I can’t get them to sleep in. Lucikly they will get sucked in to watching iCarly and Wizards of Waverly Place all morning so I can sit on the couch and read which is my escape!!
Love Emily Giffin. I am in the process of collecting all of her books!
Love the post!
From one bitchy mom to another.
P.S: I just love Emily Giffin. Count me in.
Liz,
Hilarious. Love the picture you chose to sum it all up. And your line about rolling them up in the pilates mat made me LOL. Yes, I LOL’d. Only you could make me do that :) xoxo
Love the blog…..and this blog post too! At least you know that you are not alone and that mothers all over the world know exactly what you are talking about! :)
Please enter me in the HOTM drawing…I love Emily Giffin! :)
TESTIFY SISTER! I can relate to you on so many levels, ok, all levels. :) I have three kids, I’m tired, I’m over-extended, and bitchy to boot! I talked to one of my mom friends the other day and told her that I never felt like I had one interesting thing to contribute to a conversation anymore because my brain cells have shriveled up and dried out when it comes to intelligent conversation, but darnit, ask me about the latest Barney episode and I am on it! I tell ya, us moms just don’t get the credit we truly deserve!!! (And just where in the hell did the stigma of us eating bon bons and watching soaps all day come from? Did our moms REALLY do that?)
My guilty pleasure IS reading! A good chicklit book is pure enjoyment to me, and I would love a chance to win Emily’s autographed book. Please count me in!!!
Chick Lit will never die! After chick lit, it grows up to become hen lit, and then who knows. I can’t wait to read Emily’s book.
Ladies!
You have scored BIG for us again. I’m so excited about this new Emily Giffin.
xx
<3 HOTM! dislike waking up early!! :)
So true & funny!!!
I’ve fallen asleep while my children are in my care more than I’d like to admit! When the girls were infants, we had this gate type thing set up. More like a glorified jail for them in which I fell asleep on multiple occasions knowing there was no way for them to escape. However, more recently I fell asleep in our playroom which is no longer gated and lost my son (18 months). He just up and walked away. I woke up in a panic when my daughters both said, “I don’t know where he is”. We are still looking for him … :)
Glad to hear I’m not alone in my constant state of sleep deprivation!!!
Dear Sweet Liz,
I think all the other mommys on here are candy coating the hard, brutal truth…after you become a mom, you never sleep again! Not soundly anyway! I have been a mom for almost 9 years now, I have a 10 year old daughter & a 13 year old son, (My husband was married before, I adopted the kids as my own when they were around 3 & 1) and I havent had a good night’s sleep since the day I said “I do!” That’s the God honest truth! I used to be a sound sleeper, my mom said she could vacuum and I wouldnt wake up, now a pen falls off the desk in our room and Im wide awake worrying that seem freak is lurking outside my window! I hate to be the one to tell you this but it doesnt matter how old they are or how much they can do on their own, say buy-bye to sweet sweet sleep! Its the sacrifice we’ll happily make to be a mom!
PS- Emily has posted that she gained 6 1/2 pds on her tour….boohoo….she has the most perfect body, thin in all the RIGHT spots and voluptuous in the RIGHT spot as well…Im so dang so jeolous!!
xoxo
~carly
Love this! I have been exhausted for over 9 years now and honestly, don’t think it will get any better for the next 9.
you know whats super annoying? when people tell you that exercise will give you energy. shut the F*ck up. they are the same people who tell you you wont find happiness in chocolate.
PS And no worries…I am pretty sure all moms get a free-to-be-cranky-anytime-for-at-least-the-first-18-years card. great post :-}
Carolyn, thank god for iCarly or I would never get anything done!!! Xo
Lauri, I love her too! Thanks for the comment!
Lisa, you know I live to make you LOL. And I was there. I actually heard your LOL!!!!
Sara, so glad you love it!!!! Thanks! Xo
Lynn, I hear ya! I was just telling someone last week that my memory is sooo bad since having kids. Its like my brain has turned to mush! Thanks for the comment!
Robin, Amen sista! Xo
Colleen, good luck! Xo
Kat, then you are my people fo’ sho’!
Kenan, I totally thought of you while writing this and was hoping you would pop by! Gorl, I was so tired this weekend that I consodered laying down on the floor at Chuck E Cheese. And we both know how digusting that floor is. Xo
Carly, you are so right! (About being a mom AND Emily). Thanks for the comment! Xo
Renata! So glad you love! I know, will we ever catch up on our sleep?
Thanks Erin!!! And you totally made me LOL with your response! Love it!!!! Xoxo
Love the picture! I feel like that a lot with my three kids. I would LOVE to win the new Emily Giffin book! Thanks for all you do. Shannon
Well I am not a mom, but I definitely understand sleep deprivation! I recently had a huge exam that I studied 12-13 hours a day for 2 weeks straight for. Then I couldn’t sleep at night because I was to busy panicking! After so many days without sleep you get to the point where you can barely function! It’s horrible :(
OMG! I so feel your pain. I really do. I have 3 children and you’d think given the age gaps between them (17, 13, 4) I’d be fairly well rested. NOT so. Not even a little. No amount of chocolate or caffeine will do the drink. Believe me, I’ve tried. You’re welcome any time to come take a look at my ever expanding…thighs and booty. You name it. If it’s on me, honey, it’s expanding. Oh to have the body of my 20 year-old self.
Great post!
xoxo
Shannon, thanks, that pic cracked me up too. It’s amazing how many images come up when you google image “tired mommy”. Ha!
Cathleen, you crack me up! And I know, I feel like I’m immune to the caffiene in my green tea but it was so hard to give up coffee that I don’t want to go back. But I’ve been very tempted this past week…. Thanks for the comment!
Michele, you don’t have to be a mom to be bone tired, that’s for sure. Hope you did well on your exam! xoxo
oh I hear you loud and clear sister! I feel like I am constantly walking around with fog in my head! I happen to get 5 minutes to sit down last Sunday and I passed out (no joke). Thank goodness my darling child let me snooze for 3 minutes before she jumped in my lap and asked me to play dinosaurs with her…I seriously almost locked her outside (still not joking).
Ha, Gabby, too funny! I know, sometimes I feel like a zombie!
Okay…I laughed my ass off in my sleep-deprived stupor! I thought I was the only one that had kids that didn’t sleep through the night until they turned 3! I have 2 and both stuck that one on me…LOL! Thanks for giving me one more reason to be thankful for being a mom! We do have to stick together b/c unless you are a mom with kids…one will never get it :)
Cheers!
btw…every parent should see your post…it’s a winner!
Jackie, thanks so much!!! Yes, all tired parents must unite in our sleeplessness! xo
Liz, I did do very well on my exam thank you. Unfortunately I had to miss Emily Giffin’s book signing because of it! I was so upset. I really wanted to go!
I find that worrying about no sleep leads to no sleep, which leads to worrying about no sleep, which starts the cycle all over again.
Susan, exactly! xo
CONGRATS TO LYNN M!!! SHE won a SIGNED copy of Emily Giffin’s HEART OF THE MATTER! Thanks to all who commented! xo
Oh, girl, I hear you! Thank goodness our newest little one sleeps through the night, but I’ve gone through that bone-weary, deep exhaustion (back when my first two didn’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a stretch – for YEARS on end) and now I’m just mildly exhausted. Someday, we, too, will lay on lounge chairs, napping in the sun and flipping through magazines, for days on end. With hot cabana boys to bring us fresh drinks.
Sarah, I long for that day! And I have dibs on the blond cabana boy! And I’m loving the term “mildly exhausted”. Going to use it. xoxo
love, love your post and was just what I needed to read this morning. Extremely exhausted because my 6 month old seems to think that she needs to get up in the middle of the night to eat and have a lengthy conversation with me, her teddy bear or anything else in the room for that matter. Last night it was twice! Needless to say I just gave up on sleep for myself and took a shower! The joys of motherhood!
JenP– Good luck! Thanks for the commenting! Ps: That is the PERFECT word to describe her books!
Sunny, I hear ya-I was a complete mess until my youngest started sleeping through the night around one. It’s crazy how used to get to just not sleeping, that exhaustion is just a part of your life. Hang in there, it does get better! xoxo
oh how I hear ya…
funny how I have to wake my kids from the dead on weekdays but they are up at 6am on weekends? WTF?
I cannot wait until my kids can get up, get dressed, let the dogs out, feed them, feed themselves and turn on an appropriate TV show in the morning without any help….oh how i dreammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Heather, Omg, I know. I have to drag my five-year-old out of bed most weekdays but on Saturday she rolls in to our bedroom at 5:45am. It’s like they enjoy torturing us or something! One day, we WILL make to the promised land where our children know how to operate both the TV and the microwave!!!
I’m still on the sleeping til noon phase of life..I will be sure to take a cat nap for you this weekend