5 (More) reasons I still watch The Bachelor

 ”On a scale of one to 10, I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”

Ah, it’s highly intelligent statements like this one (among many other reasons coming up in a minute) that keep me watching The Bachelor every week. This is my personal favorite from last night. Spoken by Jaclyn who was upset over the possibility of the cocktail-party-crashing mystery guest getting a rose…

Confession:  Bachelor Ben Flajnik is starting to grow on me just a wee bit. He still needs an effing haircut like nobody’s bidness (could his sister not point that out to him???), but there’s something about him. He seems, dare I suggest, normal? Well, normal by reality show standards anyway. (And we have to admit he looked pretty good skiing with his shirt off… and did you see the part where he played the piano? *swoon*)

Or perhaps I’m no better than any of the women on the show- I’m simply caught up in the moment, the rose on the table staring me down- making me believe that he. Is. The. One.

But regardless of how I feel about Bachelor Ben, let’s face it- he’s not what makes The Bachelor a Monday night must-watch- it’s the catty, backstabbing, tight (and bad- does anyone else agree?) dress wearing, crying, idiotic statement spewing women who have us pulling up a couch cushion each week.

And as I watched last night, I found myself giddy with excitement yet again. Even though I’ve seen it all before- even though it’s the same Bachelor just a different name. Even though it’s the same cocktail party showdowns and tearful exits. Even though it’s a total formula-  It never gets old. And I decided that because five reasons I still watch The Bachelor just weren’t enough, here are five more. (PS: Be sure to leave a comment about why you watch- or why you don’t- and be entered to win a copy of FLY AWAY HOME by fellow Bachelor watcher, Jennifer Weiner. We’ll randomly select the winner after 6p.m. PST on Sunday, Jan 22. )

1. The crazy declarations

If we conquer our fear of heights together, we can do anything! (Said by Ben after he climbs the San Francisco Bay bridge with his date, Emily.) Who cares that they’ve only known each other for two and a half minutes? They’ve climbed up to a really high place together so they can survive marriage! WTF?

When I walk through the door tonight, I’m going to fall in love with Ben quickly.  These girls are going to hate me but I’m willing to take the risk because he’s (Ben’s) someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. Spoken by a mystery guest who crashes the cocktail party. Oh and BTW, she doesn’t know Ben at all. See #2

2. The (uninvited) mystery guest

I love the drama as the mystery guest is slowly revealed. The hands on the steering wheel. The voice mail left for Chris (Harrison). The legs getting out of the car. The reaction of the girls when she enters the cocktail party. WHO. THE. *#&%. IS. THAT. GIRL? Well, last night it was Shawntel (or whatsherbutt as model, Courtney, so affectionately called her). You remember funeral director Shawntel from Brad’s season? Well poor Shawntel’s crazy declaration didn’t prove true- she didn’t get the rose or the love. (And let’s face it, had she stayed, the girls would’ve likely killed her or at the very least beaten her to a freakin’ pulp.) But what she did get were a lot of fun comments like:  she’s uglier in person and her thighs are thicker than mine (spoken by the SAME girl). The guys she dates go on dates where she draws people’s blood.  We don’t re-use Brad’s dumpster trash And my personal favorite: She rode in here on her high Hearse *cue cymbal*

3. The dates

Scaling the San Francisco Bay Bridge, a private concert by Matt Nathanson, a piano duet. And that was just one date with one girl- Emily. Oh, to be a reality show contestant… *Swoon* To fall in love to the glow of the camera lights. To make out with six producers watching you. To go on one unrealistic date after the next making your expectations so high that it will be virtually impossible to succeed in love in the real world. Wait, maybe I’m wrong. Apparently if you do a death defying stunt together, you’ll have no issues living under the same roof, sharing money or raising kids! (See #1). Plus, on what other show can you watch women skiing the streets of San Francisco in their bikinis?

4. Chris Harrison

Gotta love the man. He’s got the greatest gig in TV.  He probably makes a sh*t load of money and he’s only on the air for about five minutes each week. Although last night he actually got about six minutes because he greeted the mystery guest (told her to freshen up?! See #5) and had to come out a second time to establish that Ben was about to give out the final rose of the evening. (Erika went down hard like a sack of potatoes temporarily halting the rose ceremony.)

5. Jennifer Weiner’s live tweets

As if we didn’t already love this New York Times bestselling novelist enough for writing fabulous book after fabulous book (can’t wait for her upcoming release, The Next Best Thing) she also live tweets The Bachelor! @Jenniferweiner And she’s hilarious. (Trust me, her tweets alone are reason enough to watch the show.) Some of my favorites:

She’s got thicker thighs than me. She’s uglier in person. Wow. Did the meanest girl get a free spray tan? #thebachelor

Hmph. Ben declines to hand out the final rose. Jaclyn’s crying like she lost a limb. Or an implant. Something important. #thebachelor

When I’m in charge of everything, The Bachelor will be on every night

And one reason I might have to stop watching…

The tonsil hockey

WTF? Really Ben? I don’t know about you, but it wouldn’t be a turn on if Ben told me I was the best kisser in the house. Then kissed me again and told me it was still true. Aren’t we missing something here? This means he’s sticking his tongue down a lot of throats. #gagmewithaspoon

xoxo,

Lisa

Tagged as: Ben Flajnik, Chris Harrison, Fly Away Home, jennifer weiner, reality TV, The Bachelor