Chris Brown and Rihanna pre-beatdown
I was one of those people who used to think Rihanna and Chris Brown were adorable together. In fact, I hadn’t crushed on a couple like that since Justin and Britney strutted into the VMAs wearing their matching denim outfits. But Chris and Rihanna seemed to be the real deal-both at the top of their game, and cute as hell.
Until he beat the living shit out of her.
Just like any public relationship that we all help put on a pedestal, it came crashing down when the curtains were pulled back to reveal the ugly truth-that their relationship was unhealthy and abusive. The pictures released of Rihanna post-beating were graphic and disturbing. But even more disturbing was Chris Brown’s hollow apologies for his actions and anger at any interviewer that GOD FORBID bring it up while he was trying to promote his new album. His lack of ANY remorse left a bad taste in my mouth and also made it difficult to separate Chris Brown, the guy who makes great music from Chris Brown, the dickhead who beat his girlfriend within an inch of her life.
But, this is America, and we’ll forgive just about anything if you lay low for long enough. (Marv Albert, I’m talking to you!) So when Chris Brown performed at this year’s Grammys, I didn’t think too much of it. No, I wasn’t going to buy his albums, but I wasn’t surprised that he was back on the main stage.
But when I heard that he and Rihanna had collaborated on not one but TWO singles and were rumored to perform on American Idol together later this season, I wanted to puke up all the Cheezits I had downed while I thought no one was looking. (Damn you, salty goodness!) This was also followed by reports that the couple was back together. Which left me, sitting in front of my computer, holding a empty bag of Cheezits and saying, WHAT THE F*CK!
Where is Rihanna’s support system? I know she’s an adult who makes her own decisions, but someone fell asleep at the wheel on this one. And history tells us that Chris Brown’s pattern of abuse is determined to repeat itself, you just don’t brutally kick the shit out of someone as a fluke. But what scares me even more is the message this sends to impressionable young men and women. It’s okay to be someone who uses violence to solve your relationship issues. It’s okay to beat up your girlfriend, she’s going to take you back AND perform on American Idol with you too!
I would guess most of us have been in some sort of abusive relationship at one time or another. Maybe they were over controlling and put you down so that you wouldn’t ever dream that you deserved better. Or maybe they pushed you around and made you feel like you couldn’t leave. It’s a fact that many women stay in abusive relationships because they just don’t feel like they have any other options. And this Rihanna/Chris Brown shit certainly is not going to help give them the strength figure out that they do.
But I get it. Rihanna certainly didn’t sign up to become the battered women spokesperson and has the right to make all the terrible decisions she wants. Just like we have the right to talk all kinds of smack about it here. But I think American Idol should know better and be concerned with the message they’re sending by inviting them to perform rather than trying desperately to drive ratings because they’re scared The Voice has become more relevant.
What do YOU think? Am I overreacting or does the thought of Chris Brown and Rihanna performing together make you want to puke your Cheezits too? Tell me!
xo, Liz
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I’m with you 100%! After I heard about the whole twitter thing and how girls were tweeting how Chris Brown could beat them, well I sat my 15year old daughter down for a talk about self worth. No man has a right to hit her, berate her and so on. I feel so sick that Idol is ok with it. To me that is what they are saying. Years ago, Jerry Lee Lewis lost his career when it came out he’d married his cousin…a child. I can’t believe more parents of young girls aren’t more upset. I guess I’ll get off my soapbox and write an email to Idol.
I completely, whole-heartedly agree with you! I thought I was the only one who felt this way! I think the collaborating and American Idol performance sends the message its “okay” to get together with your abusive ex…or now probably her “re-boyfriend.” I’m in my late 20′s (wow…weird to say that), and I think it sends the wrong message to younger generations that its “okay” to leave your abusive boyfriend for a while, then come back when he ‘cleans up.’ And, I thought his ‘apology’ or lack thereof was only because people told him he needed to make a public apology. And I wondered the same thing: “Where are her parents? Her support system?” I know she’s entitled to make decisions for herself, but I think going back to your abusive ex-boyfriend is a dangerous decision. These patterns repeat, and sometimes, end up deadly. I don’t know what her mindset is, but if she thinks she doesn’t deserve better, she’s wrong. She is absolutely beautiful, and even if she wasn’t, NO ONE deserves to be abused.
Laura, I know, I think it sends an awful message to kids, especially young girls. Not that Rihanna wants to be a role model, but still. And I can’t believe, American Idol, that promotes itself as a “family show” would have them on. Seems like a desperate move to me.
Kathryn, Amen sista! couldn’t have said it better myself!
I don’t have very strong feelings about the Rhianna/Chris Brown musical collaboration. Musically, it seems smart. They will sell lots of units because of the controversy. Rhianna has a right to exploit her very public battering, after all plenty of magazines have made money by showing photos of her beaten and bloody. And American Idol has no moral obligation, only fudiciary obligations. They don’t care how it will look to young viewers.
The public often has an unfair expectation of celebrities. Rhianna and Chris Brown had/have a personal relationship and they have to work things out to THEIR liking. If she has forgiven his violence enough to have a professional relationship with him, that is their business. She is allowed to forgive him. We don’t know if they have a personal relationship at this point and if they do, again, that is their business. We don’t have to like it. And we certainly don’t have to get our blood pressures up over it.
I would like to see people get this upset about domestic violence in general. I would venture to guess that we all know someone who is being beaten by a partner and we don’t have to go to the tabloids to work ourselves up about this issue. We should resolved to become educated about the issue and then make it our business to sit our sons and daughters down (and their friends) and have very frank discussions about preventing violence and knowing when to walk away. We don’t mind getting in Rhianna’s business, but do we feel the same sense of outrage and get into our neighbor’s business or our cousin’s business or our sister’s business? After all, Rhianna isn’t the only woman to ever go back to an abuser (if in fact she has). Spend the day at your local courthouse and see how many people drop charges against someone who broke their bones or leave court with the person that gave them a black eye.
This issue is much deeper and sadder than a couple of kids with too much money taking bad advice from the wrong people. There are women in our own communities dying because of partner violence. Let’s get angry over that.
Lisa, I hear you, and I think why this situation with Chris and Rihanna is disturbing is because we know this is going on EVERYWHERE, in our neighborhoods, in our extended family, with our friends. I think it sheds light on a huge problem in our country. My issue is not that I want to get in their business, but that this sends a terrible message to the women in those abusive relationships that you mentioned. Chris and Rihanna chose to be in the public domain and because of that, people do idolize and look up to the choices and decisions they make. So maybe this is a starting point to open up discussion on abuse towards women in our country that aren’t famous. And I totally agree, we need to get much more angry about the violence towards women in this country. Thanks for your comment! xo
This saga has frustrated me ever since the day TMZ released the police report that outlined in painful detail what Chris did to Rhianna. My first thought after seeing everything was “well whether she wants it or not she just became the face of domestic violence” and my second thought was she is too young and too naive to understand the gravity of what was placed on her shoulders given that she is in the public eye. Sure enough Rhianna has acted in a manner that I hoped she wouldn’t – sneaking text messages to him, secretly hanging out with him, sending secret Twitter messages to him…in an effort to keep her safe her handler’s ultimately changed this tragic story into a Romeo and Juliet affair for her. And we all have heard her songs and seen her “rebellious” behavior. She is not one for doing what would be the best decision for her – instead doing what “feels good” for the moment. Should American Idol have them both on? That’s hard to say. Personally I don’t think so, but America has shown that we will tune in to see what happens so of course it would be a ratings boost. And who cares about the message so long as those ratings come in!! *Stepping off my soap box before I dive into another tirade* And Liz – they are salty goodness!!! Yay for Cheezits!
I want Cheezits now…..Oh…they give me heartburn though…Still yummy goodness. :)
You are absolutely NOT over reacting ! Shame on American Idol ! Whether she wanted to be the spokeswoman for domestic abuse or not, it came with the deal she made to be famous. You are absolutely right about the message this sends to young loves everywhere. ‘If it is true love you will find your way back to each other and forgive/forget the past.’ Bullsh*t ! Neither seemed to address the situation and apparently he took no real responsibility for his behavior nor did he get professional counseling to prevent further episodes. IT NEVER HAPPENS JUST ONCE ! Not without professional intervention. If he did it to her, he will do it again to her or someone else. I say boycott their singles and see if that helps their popularity and publicity.
Kourtney, I know, it’s hard, because obviously she didn’t sign up to be a role model. But she still is and what she does makes an impression on people. And I think AI is just acting freakin’ desperate. I won’t be watching if they have them on, but I’ll probably one of the only ones. Thanks for the comment! xo
Mary, thanks, I totally agree with you. You know, I really don’t want to be judgmental as them as people but more want to say, hey, this happens all the time in abusive relationships-the woman goes back for more. And for me personally,I just don’t want to support it by buying the single or watching them perform together on AI. Thanks for your comment!
Kathryn, I’m addicted! Can’t eat just one! xo
L to the A to the M to the E.
I’m actually using this example in our house to illustrate a number of points to our two middle-school-aged children. They know who these two performers are, so it brings the concepts of abuse, victimization, self-victimization (paging Rihanna) and media whoredom to life quite vividly.
It’s all just so gross.
I do not think you’re overreacting AT ALL. It’s crazy that everyone is sitting back and watching this like a horrible train wreck. Someone help her, PLEASE.
If you’re overreacting then I went off the deep end of the reservation. Does girlfriend need to see the photos again? He beat the shit out of her! She was black & blue and purple. She had a BUSTED face with a fat lip and swollen eye. She’s back with him? Is she out of her fucking mind? Does she think it won’t happen again? It’s not like they got into an argument and he grabbed her arm or shoved her, which would be bad enough. She’s announcing to all the young girls who adore her that what he did is acceptable, and for that I think she’s as shitty as he is.
As far as the “Poor Rihanna, she’s too young to understand the seriousness..” etc. I cry bullshit. Look, this isn’t some clueless young girl who has limited exposure or understanding of things. She knows better, and she should be doing better (as Oprah likes to say), and she is being dumb and reckless. What about the image of strong woman she portrays? Is it all an act? Is she trying to send the message that the danger makes it more exciting? I’ve lost all respect for her. As far as him? He’s a pathetic tool, and that will never change. The second he got annoyed and angry because a reporter asked him about the incident, I knew he’d never change, and will do the same thing to his next girlfriend.
I used to think that maybe it wasn’t as bad as we thought, if she was willing to get back together with him… then I read the police report. There’s an article on MTV about it – google it if you haven’t read it. TOTALLY changed my opinion. He is scum.
I know it’s her decision, but I don’t understand it at all – she’s super successful on her own. It’s not like she’s hurting for record sales. She does NOT need him, and the fact that she’s willing to interact with him at all makes me lose all respect for her.
This news brings tears to my eyes. I love Rihanna and the idea of her putting herself in to this situation all over again just frustrates me. I’m scared for her. How far will Chris Brown take it before enough is enough? Rihanna be strong and just walk away!
Terrible decision by Rhianna. Sends wrong signal and isn’t worth any amount of money or heartache. American Idol is going to do what’s good for the show, not any individual. It’s ratings-driven. (Love Cheezits, btw. Will not waste any watching AI)
I’ve never been a big ‘follower’ of Chris Brown or Rihanna, but I remember thinking when the news broke of his beating her “sheesh” — and then when the reports of them working together and apparently *being* together again started trickling in? It just made my heart hurt. Because here she is – a gorgeous, successful young woman – by all accounts she should be at the top of her game and “untouchable” – but she’s falling into the same trap that countless other girls do…Getting sucked back into a bad/dangerous/unhealthy relationship. Who cares if it’s just a publicity stunt? That’d be even worse than if they really are an Item again, actually, because it’s using the bad publicity to try and make a profit… I’ve had friends who were in bad relationships, I’ve seen how hard it is to break out of them and get yourself fully over it and move on to something healthy and beneficial. It breaks my heart that someone who should have such a support system, who should be so much *more*, should still struggle with whatever personal issues that make her think she has to submit herself to such treatment…I think it speaks volumes about our society – and NOT in a good way.
ps: LOVE Cheezits!!! :D
The whole situation is disturbing and disgusting. I won’t listen to or purchase their music…and if my kids are in the car and their songs come on – I turn it off. I fear this will not end well. I can’t believe the Grammy had him preform twice! And on a night in which they were honoring Whitney Houston, who also suffered abuse (from Bobby Brown) for years….proably playing a role in her sunstance abuse and eventual death.
I am so happy that you posted this, and after reading all the comments I am glad there are actual people that feel the same way I do! It is so frustrating to hear people say “forget about it, it was three years ago” or “you are overreacting” ! I am still in shock that they collaborated together… it was clearly evident that he had no remorse whatsoever and I get that she does not want to be the “victim” and I understand forgiveness but seriously, how can you collaborate with a man that was so utterly cruel to you? Like others have said, this is a perfect way to bring up the topic of abuse and as a future teacher I hope my students can take this and LEARN from it. Thanks for posting your opinions. I agree 100%!
Anna, well said! xo
Ladies, thanks for all your insightful comments! I always love hearing what y’all have to say! xoxoxo, Liz
Sorry, I don’t agree with anything you wrote. He did not beat her within an inch of her life. There are no facts to support that. We know violence took place, but there are no facts to support that. Rihanna was able to still walk and talk on her own. She did not stay in the hospital. Her own family said she was doing fine. The media was telling lies. She was on the beach not to long afterwards. Unless she is related to Jason, what you said is not possible. When Brown makes a comedy about it, then I would say he doesn’t care. He did what he was ordered to do it and still did his music. I believe he should have taken a break after the scandal. Let them write about something else. You do not own an entertainer’s life. Rihanna or Chris was not your girlfriend/boyfriend. They do not owe you anything. God, I’m glad I’m not famous. I could not deal with such b.s. What pattern of abuse? What history? He never had a history of violence and has never attacked anyone before or after that night. I’m going on facts. What happened was a one time thing. No, they should not hook up again because they are not good for EACH OTHER. They are better off being friends, which they are. He has a girlfriend, but if they are sleeping together, it does not affect my life. If I like a song I buy it. Like everyone else I have a big collection of music and films and history has shown us that most of them have done some shady shit. If I remember correctly, Rihanna told Sandra Rose, a blogger to stop acting like he beat your ass. She has went off on fans who also had a problem with the way she feels about Chris. She even said she was sick of hearing about it. When asked why she wasn’t going to sing at the 2010 Grammys, she laughed and said, her and Chris messed up the ’09 Grammys, so maybe the bosses were mad at her. She said she wishes him success. She said she never hated him. She still listens to his music. She has moved on. Chris has moved on, but people who are not those two cannot move on. People who were not in that car that night cannot move on. That’s seriously disturbing. It’s a very flawed way of thinking. If it were two females or males, no one would care. Chris, continue to put on great shows and put out great music. Rihanna, continue to make catchy songs. Peace.
Hi Kate,
Thanks for your comment! I hear what you are saying, and I agree, I would hate to be famous also-becoming an unwilling role model to young men and women can be frustrating and the public judgement of their behavior must feel isolating. But unfortunately, they chose to live this public life. I don’t agree that violence is acceptable, even if it was the first time, and even if he didn’t almost kill her. I have a young daughter and I don’t want her to think it’s okay for someone to treat her in such a way, even just once.
They have every right to be friends, girlfriend/boyfriend, even get married, but personally, I hate the message it sends to others that are in abusive relationships.
But that is just my opinion, and I’m happy that you came over here and shared yours as well. You made some great points to think about. xo